I can't remember how long has it happened. 1 week, 2 weeks? Even more? I can't. Time with me now is something too luxury, and contains too much regret. You know, I have many things to think of, and nearly all of them need the urgent solutions. I had thought that I wouldn't write anymore for you, because I had written too much before, but if one thing is your habit (and hobby, maybe) you can't not give it up, right? And if you can make your habit become one of your exercises, it'll be great.
This time may be the strangest one in our relationship. I don't know if it's true for you but it's absolutely exact for me. Many times before, even the times when you let me down, I still felt sorry for myself, and I was furious. I cried so much, looked forward to heal our rift. But that's the past. I know that nothing serious happened, and if someone saw the recent event, they would laugh at it, and think like something stupid happened to us.
But I want you to know that this is the time I want to leave you. And I'm sure I do not leave you alone, 'cause you have many friends beside you. I cannot see my close friend in you, I cannot see the one who has the same ideal with me, and I cannot see the one who considers me a part of her _ maybe this is the most important. Do you ask yourself so what I see in you? I see another person with a little thing in her head, only some of her bad marks and her lover. I only see a person who likes to give herself false hopes beside always be happy when she catches something "good". You know, I'm very allergic to superficiality, wheedling, and insincerity .Unfortunately, by many reasons, I couldn't say the exact things to you. But what I really feel now is that I feel sorry for you.
I can't understand why she can do that with you [you know who I mention, right?] I have said that with her so many times, that the things she has done would become the tricks on you. And she promised me that she wouldn't do that again. But what happened after her sweetie promise? Nothing. Even she knows that not everything you think about him is right (something may be dangerous), she doesn't speak to you. You know, she doesn’t like to displease anyone. She knows what I'm thinking, too. But everything she answered me was, "Her matter is not your matter, so let it be". However, I couldn’t do that, because I thought you're my friend.
Ya, because I thought you're my friend, so I tried to find a perfect way to balance my thinking and my action. I tried to point out that he wasn't as reliable as you thought. (This was such an risk so I rarely did it clearly) And I want you to ask yourself if anything he gave to you more than some mellifluent words and money? (You should know that all the gifts he gave to you had the intervention of her, and if in Women's day he couldn't ask her anymore, he didn’t give anything to you at all [of course there're some legitimate reasons
). He even didn't know what flowers he gave you on 14/3 were, because that's her choice. [And I was warned not to let you know if I still wanted to know something about your relationship, and I was your friend, in the true sense of the word, I didn't want to let you alone.] And this is the newest thing I've known: you are receiving somewhat, which was (were) chosen yesterday by both of them. Congratulations! [coz you're so happy =)) ] ) In the other hand, do you think that everything you know about him or he said about himself is true? The first thing I can be sure of: he's not the one who values his family above his career (perhaps it's not only career), which you hope most.(You can ask her if you want to know more clearly). That means anything can be over, at anytime and by any reasons. He said to you that he wouldn't play games there anymore, only "viewer", but you know, that's a lie. He promised many things to you, but how many percentages of them became true? You may think that above everything, the most important he brought you was sentiment. But I don't think it's as deep as you. Maybe that' the maximum of him. He always show you his love, and said that he's afraid someone would take you away. And you're proud that because of you, he may never go abroad. That's such a ridiculous thing, coz you knew that he might not talk to you that he would go abroad. So do you think if there were the last day, he spoke to you, and after that, he would postpone his routine? Politeness costs little but yields much. And you're in a great contentment because of such those words. Should I extinguish it?
Anyway, I know that no one is perfect, and no one is complete bad. I also tried to ameliorate the relationship between me and him. (I hope he doesn't deny my endeavour.) But, like his "sister", nothing changed.
If you were me, I think you couldn’t do anything, too. I don't want to make my friend broken because of her love, I don't want any separations, but I don't want to be the outsider, just look at my friend and let her be. When my opinion costs nothing, all seems to be the prejudice, and my real friend has disappeared, I think I shouldn't try anymore. Fixation may make everything worse. I ask myself what your mother will be when she knows that I won’t keep in touch with you anymore? I think she will be happy, (maybe more than that) because her pure daughter won't get any bad from such a person like me.
I just write for me, to relax, and to make a new essay for my teacher. It's too long, right? And I think this will be the last time I write such a long post about this topic. The future is coming nearer…
