Writing center - If you want to improve your writing skill

probably not, i think it depends on the topic at hand, and also, the grader, i mean, we r gonna have to watch our writing with hạnh but not with zack, right??? :D
 
"is it always neccessary to be pompous when writing?" - good question, Mai.
What do you guys think?

well, I don't remember exactly what I got for that "honesty essay", maybe 8-. It was a writing exercise in Mr. Nghiem class.

My SAT essay topic yesterday was "Discontent is the first step to action". The problem is that I don't know the word discontent! However, I guessed that the first step to action must be unhappiness, unsatisfaction. Hopefully I didn't write off the topic.

btw, is Edison the inventor of electric light?
 
Yea, Thomas Edison, but I think more of the light bulb than light itself. And I don't think you misunderstood the topic, I mean, that basically means if you're unhappy about something, you set out to fix it, right? Ppl are like that, nobody does a thing until their personal rights are at stake.
Rabbit, I don't think I give a penny about Zack, I don't think those who will be grading our college papers are
at all like him ::sighs::
 
the following is only a small homework but I hope u'll help me to edit it. Thax in advance
Task:

Most people without a partner would prefer to have a boy or girlfriend. Yet being in a relationship when you are young is not a good idea.
As part of a class project, write about whether you agree or disagree. Give the reason why. (200-250 words)

Model answer:

There has been much controversy over whether or not young people should have girl or boyfriends. Some people say a relationship of this kind can bring happiness, others point out that it’s likely to cause troubles. Personally, I do believe that love at an early age is likely to cause troubles. There are three reasons for this.

In the first place, having a special friend means having more concerns. You have to make great effort to please your partner .To take an example, you have to spend time studying his or her habit in order to meet with what he or she wants. On the other hand, it’s better to concentrate on your study and other healthy activities when you are young. You can find an ideal partner later in your life but opportunities to study, obviously, will not be as available.

In the second place, financial problems are worth consideration, especially for those who earn just a little or still have to ask their parents for pocket money. This is due to the fact that many youths would like t o be regarded as being generous, thus willing to spend all their money on an evening out with their partner to a movie an to an entertainment center. Moreover, gifts on special occasion like birthday or Valentine’s day can make them go through all the money that they have been saving for months.

Last but not least, young people are easy to get into emotional problems that they are hardly able to cope with because of inexperience. This appears to be the most serious as it tends to cause great pains and leave youths bitter memories.

To summarize, early love can bring young people unnecessary concerns, financial and emotional problems. Therefore, I do suggest that youths should wait until they are mature enough to get involved in a serious relationship.
 
There has been much controversy over whether or not young people should have girl or boyfriends. Some people say a relationship of this kind can bring happiness, others point out that it’s likely to cause troubles. Personally, I do believe that love at an early age is likely to cause troubles. {There are three reasons for this. } --> you can leave out the sentence.
Although the beginning doesn't sound natural, it is straighforward. :) That's o.k

Get rid of "in the first, second place.." It is better that we use few linking words. Let your ideas be connected naturally. :)
In the first place, having a special friend means having more concerns. You have to make great effort(s) to please your partner .{To take an example}--> (don't need this) you have to spend time studying his or her habit in order to meet with what he or she wants. {On the other hand,} --> Instead, it’s better to concentrate on your study and other healthy activities when you are young. You can find an ideal partner later in your life but opportunities to study, obviously, will not be as available.

In the second place, financial problems are worth consideration,( :D this is cool! )especially for those who earn just a little or still have to ask their parents for pocket money. {This is due to the fact that many youths would like} To be regarded as being generous, many teenagers are willing to spend all their money on an evening out with their partner to a movie or to an entertainment center. Moreover, gifts on special occasion like birthday or Valentine’s day can make them go through all the money that they have been saving for months.

({Last but not least} --> again unnecessary) Young people are easy to get into emotional problems that they are hardly able to cope with because of inexperience. This appears to be the most serious as it tends to cause great pains and leave youths bitter memories.

{To summarize,} early love can bring young people unnecessary concerns, financial and emotional problems. Therefore, {I do suggest that youths should wait until they are mature enough to get involved in a serious relationship.} --> rewrite this sentence.



Sorry cause I haven't had time to go over sentence by sentence. Your essay is frank and the argument is quite solid. There are several oldfashioned linking words. Before, I used to use them a lot in my essays. I am now trying to get rid of them.
 
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oh, btw, I do agree with your opinion :D hehe.. it's too soon to think seriously about love, right? ;)
It is always a better option to concentrate on your career.
... but hold on,.. actually, having bfs or gfs does not neccessarily mean you cannot focus on study!

If I am given this topic, I will get stuck! :D I agree with both ideas.. :p
 
Cause this topic makes me so excited, I will post my essay about the story of a young boy trying to buy a present for his crush. Very romantic and sweetie story! :D It is just an extended paragraph.

In James Joyce’s story, Araby, it is the final setting that finishes a story about first love with all the spices from sweetness to bitterness. Araby is not only a bazaar. It is a magic word continuously repeated in the narrator’s mind; a dream of a young boy trying to get a small gift for his first crush, an essential goal he tried to achieve by all means. Then Araby, at last, turns out to be his deep disappointment. Reaching the bazaar, the first person he meet was “a weary-looking man” . What he sees next is “a big hall girdled at half its height by a gallery. Nearly all the stalls are closed and the greater part of the hall is in darkness”. The marvelous bazaar he has imagined before is no more than a dark hall with the silence like “a church after service”. His disappointment even gets worse when all the sounds he hears are the fall of the coins when two men are counting money on a salver, the quarreling voice of a woman with two other men. The more he expects for the bazaar, the more upset he is when seeing it – “I saw myself as a creature driven and derided by vanity, my eyes burned with anguish and anger”. That is the very real emotion of a young, romantic boy who is in love, especially the first love. Desire and anguish. Hope and despair. The romantic illusion at the beginning and disappointing reality at the end of the story. That is also the success of James Joyce in illustrating human emotion. Without the final setting, Araby is just a bazaar. The end of the story has made Araby become “Araby”, a dream of every single first lover.
 
i didn't understand wat u just wrote huong.
also, i think, it's doesn't matter if u have a bf or gf now or never, sooner or later u will have to fall for sb, and then whether or not to continue with that rela. is ur choice. it doesn't necessarily mean that u will neglect ur studies or have a financial crisis. i personally think that people who have bfs and gfs are actually trying to ẹnoy life, and they have an open mind, not conservative like some others. thought it still ideology for vnese to look down upon "bfs gfs", it's still a part of life that u will have to deal with, and the more exp. u have, the better.
 
sorry. it is a paragraph about a story of first love "Araby". A boy wants to get to a bazaar to buy a gift for a girl. Cause you don't read the story, it's hard to understand what I wrote. Forget it.
 
If the above guest is in high school, I'd think his essay is written fairly well. There is no need for comments on sentence structures. Ms. Nguyen's suggestions are actually the unecessary ones.

I have just one comment though I said none is needed. Replace the prepositional phrases "In the first place," etc. with "firstly, secondly, lastly, etc.
 
i still have a feeling that the model essay's got sth not right abt it. the way it is written, i mean, it's just not ... normal. when u read it, there's like a pin in ur back, pinching u, making u uncomfortable??? don't know if it's just me thought.
 
that's why I say it is good but not natural. however, for a highschool student, that's fine. :)
 
Nhóc Minh : I do agree with you. Btw, I like your natural tone in the essay at Mr. Van's class. Though short and low mark (hee hee), but it's what you really think and U write it down. I don't like my essay coz it's not what I think, I just wrote to make it a complete essay with an intro, a body and a conclusion. With that kinda of essay topic (How U spend your holiday), I would give you 16 or 17 if I were the teacher.
 
thank you people. thx very much. :D :D :"> :p
btw, anybody up for an essay writing contest?? the topic will be chosen once u guys agree. :D
 
i was thinking that the topic should be sth we all like, such as music. how about writing an essay on rap??? :d :-/
 
a writing contest? cool.. :) then we can vote for the best writing, right?
I have no idea about rap, sorry. What about sports? I've just come up with this topic " Some people like team sports and others prefer solo sports. Which one do you prefer?"
Do you guys want it to be a short essay (about 250 words) ?
 
I hate sports =) I would much rather write about music, it's closer to our literary senses than sports. Team sports are fun to watch but potentially deadly (XD), and solo sports are pointless, unless for the purpose of exercising and losing weight. THEN it's everything ^_~
 
ok, u know wat, y not write abt an author, if u like literature so much, or sth related to a production?? a review perhaps??
 
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