Writing center - If you want to improve your writing skill

dieuhautotbung

Nguyễn Diệu Hương
(dieuhautotbung)

Thành viên danh dự
You don't know how to express an idea in English...
You get stuck with essay structure, you don't know how to start or sum up an essay, you are confused with different ways to use a word...
Even though you are so good at English grammar, it is extremely hard to write an essay naturally and fluently. So what?
:idea:
None of us is as good as all of us!!! Why don't you ask for your friends' advice? This is the writing center - the right place for you to have someone proofread your writing.
Come here, give us your piece of writing and we will edit it.
I have asked some American friends who are studying in Honor English classes for help and they are also very willing to proofread your essays.

WELCOME TO THE WRITING CENTER OF HANOI-AMSTERDAM HIGHSCHOOL!!

:) :guitar:
 
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
We also need people who are able and willing to help! We can assign each of you some pieces of writing to edit. You can definitely improve your skill by doing so.
Come on, guys!! You are all welcomed to the writing center!
 
erm yup, good idea! but most important of all, you need an essay for a start, don't you? or you wanna proof-read your own suggestion here then? since you're in US, it seems that you're gonna have to write lotsa essays, post some of them up, and people will proof-read them first for a start ^_^.
 
well, ok I will post one of my essays to be an example .. you guys can give any comments. ( ..hic.. don't wanna be a specimen.. )
Anyway, here we go:

“Honesty is the best policy” is an old and often repeated proverb; but is it always true? Although honesty is very important, sometimes it is a mistake to put it first.
In family, parents often ask their children to be honest. So do teachers at school. Almost everyone is taught to be honest since very young. That is because honesty is essential to everyone. It helps people gain trust from others, which is indispensable in life especially in business. A person who is honest, who deals straightforwardly with partners, who sells at fair prices, who gives good quality will generally establish a reputation that will be a fine asset. People will sure be glad to deal with him. It’s certain that he will have a satisfactory business.
On the other hand, in some cases, it’s not always the best to be honest. Two months ago, there was a serious accident in which the father in that family died at once. The mother and her son were carried to hospital. She continuously asked about her husband. Knowing that the bad news would certainly kill her, all the doctors lied her that her husband was alright. She then felt assured and recovered later.
Not only doctors but also detectives, investigators, spies or so on sometimes shouldn’t be honest. How would it be if a detective was so honest that he told everyone what he was going to do? And how dangerous it would be if a spy revealed all the secret things he knew! It can’t be concluded that they are dishonest people. They have to put their own honesty aside for other more important things.
There’s no doubt that honesty is indeed the best policy. However, it is only useful if people are honest in the right cases when their honesty doesn’t do harm to anyone. (304 words)


actually, this is an essay from 2 years ago cause I don't have any in my computer right now. Let's start with it, ok? Thanks! ;)
 
erm erm, you don't become a specimen, my dear! however your essays become ones though hehe :p. the language is perfectly okay, except for a few awkward expressions (omg, it took me quite some moments to spell awkward! gotta do sth about it!) which.... i'll return to tmr hehe (its bedtime here, and i can't stand a further minute staying up!). anyway, if this essay is written 2 years ago, your essays now must be more than excellent..... +_+
itsa THL


PS: erm? you actually put down some word count! i never do so for my essays, coz' it'd show how dry and short mine are!
----------------------------------------------------------

erm, this is what in my opinion might look a bit nicer:

“Honesty is the best policy” is an old and often mentioned phrase; but is it always true? Although honesty is very important, sometimes it is a not right to put it prior to everything else.
At home, children are often told to be honest, and so are they at school. Most people are taught to be honest since very young. This is because honesty is very important to everyone! It helps people gain trust from one another, which is crucial in life, and especially so in business. Honest people, who deal with others straightforwardly; sell goods at fair prices; etc. are often reputable and pretigious. Other people are most certainly glad to work with them. And they will have a good business.
On the other hand, it’s not always best to be honest in some situations. Two months ago, there was a serious accident in which the father died immediately. The mother and her son were carried to hospital. She kept asking about her husband. Knowing that the bad news would act as a killer, all the doctors lied to her that her husband was alright! She recovered later...
Not only doctors but also detectives, investigators, spies or so on couldn’t be honest sometimes. How stupid would it be if a detective was so honest that he told everyone what he was going to do? And how dangerous it would be if a spy revealed all the secret things he knew! They aren't dishonest, but they have to keep the truth secret as part of their job!
There’s no doubt that honesty is the best policy, given that people tell the truth at the right place and right time, and not doing any harm to anyone.


however i did not take into account the word counts and everything else hehe. rest assure my opinion is not the best in most cases, so, post yours and let's compare ^_^. c'mon guys blast this topics with essays, man!
have fun!
itsa THL


PS: no offense to the author herself hehe. just that i wanna give my opinion as a start for everyone else to follow!
 
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối bởi người điều hành:
where are the rest?why are there only some of u here?

Huong,I know tis essay.U wrote it for Mr Nghiem's cls, didnt u?haha, my memory is quite gd sometimes!

At tis time, i dun write tis kind of argumentative or expository essays.Mine are personal recount and descriptive essays.

anyway, is it possible for many of us to type our essays and post 'em here?It takes a quite a long time though!I'm lazy!
 
where are the rest?why are there only some of u here?

Huong,I know tis essay.U wrote it for Mr Nghiem's cls, didnt u?haha, my memory is quite gd sometimes!

At tis time, i dun write tis kind of argumentative or expository essays.Mine are personal recounts and descriptive essays.

anyway, is it possible for many of us to type our essays and post 'em here?It takes quite a long time though!I'm lazy!
 
I wish i could study more E.Honestly,i hardly study E before.It is so hard to get on with the new environment.I ve just come to E for 3 months.So thinks it that quite a long time to study E but my E doent change at all.I fell so disappointed.Could u give me some advice?

:(( :(:)(:)((

Ps:Do u know Nguyệt Minh.I study the same school with her. :)
 
To Huyen : you can improve your written English simply by posting your essays here! :p
hey, people seem to be unwilling to show their essays, right? :(
 
can u edit this for me

why the woman's work never done?

The farmer who works from sun to sun has more straightforward relationship to the economy than his wife or daughter. He has one clear cut job, while they often have two. In contemporary society the word ‘work’ has come to be virtually synonymous with paid work, yet much of the work that goes on this society is unpaid. Childcare, cleaning, stopping, cooking, laundry, care of the infirm and elderly, house maintenance, are all tasks necessitating plenty of time and effort, and therefore constitute work. They are not, however, acknowledge as such by most members of society, even by those who carry out the task. A full-time housewife, when asked if she works, will often reply in the negative, despite the fact that she may well be performing housework for twelve or fifteen hours a day. Yet the full-time housewife is not necessarily doing unpaid work as well as working for wages.
 
ok. I will try. Firstly, I prefer using simple sentences in my essays. I hardly use any words that are longer than 5 letters :D

let see. Actually, I don't understand the phrase "work from sun to sun". Is there a phrase like that?
The first sentence doesn't make sense to me, sorry. :p What about "The farmer's hard work is more directly related to the economy than that of his wife or daughter" ? If you can tell me what you exactly want to say, I can help you put it into words.

"contemporary" is kinda a big word, what about "current".. or simply say "nowdays", in these days..

"Childcare, cleaning, stopping, cooking, laundry, care of the infirm and elderly, house maintenance, are all tasks necessitating plenty of time and effort, and therefore constitute work." you mean "stopping" or "shopping?" Is cleaning included in house maintenance?
What does "necessitating" mean here? It is a little bit awkward sentence. You should consider rewriting this sentence so as it becomes easier to understand, dear.

acknowledged - past participle
even by those who carry the task? THOSE implies the housewives, right?

Don't say "reply in a negative". What about "the answer is usually no".

There are still some small mistakes but I really appreciate your essay! Keep working on it. Do you want to post it again after correcting these mistakes? That will be fine for us to keep working on it.

Hey guys, do you have any other ideas? My writing style is kinda simple, easy to understand so it may not be similar to yours. :)
 
This "khach" guy certainly should have copypasted the whole passage down. I'm sure the original passage has "sunset" instead of "sun."
 
dear mr DUNG, in my opinion, i think it should be corrected like this
from sun shine to sun set
how is that? does it makes sense.
actually it is not my work. i did the "copy and paste" from one of the computer science class daily practice which was problaly written by that teacher. he may copy it from other sources. but i found some mistakes in it so i posted it in here for u guys.
 
I think Huong's intetion when opening this topic is to prepare for the application essays (btw, I hate writing them). However, struggling with those essays lately, I find out that the biggest problem is not how to write but what to write (or at least in my own case). Though I don't really feel comfortable writing in English, it's not a big problem to express myself in this language if I know what I want to express. Another problem is that I often go over the words limit (Hic hic hic). Could any of you give me some pieces of advice and some suggestions on how to start an application essays (I mean the idea)?

Thank you all.
 
ppl say, i write from my heart. and they give me a 11/20 score, i do not understand. isn't it good to express things from ur heart, to open urself to other, let them in on a little sth??? y is it so hard for the teachers to accept that???
 
It is always good to write from your heart as long as you answer the question. The essays through which I express myself truly always get better grades than the ones with old cliques. ;)
As a rule in economics, don't sell what you have but what people need, it will be pointless trying to express all your knowledge in the essays. Tell the readers what they need to know.
One more thing for college essay (although you all know this ) : Don't write about an experience but how you changed after that experience.

Actually, when opening this topic, I simply hope that it will encourage people to visit English board. :D Then I realize that for the application essays, this topic may help in some way, right? :)
 
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
by the way, this is a suggestion for college essay from my English teacher. Firstly, think of 5 minutes in your life that are most memorable to you. Don't write an essay about a year with difficulites and then you overcome those. It's better to read an essay about a very significant moment in your life.
 
Dieu Huong, I'm kind of wondering what you got for that Honesty essay. Was it a paper or just whimsical scribbling? Your style is fresh (unless you've changed within the 2-year-lapse) and easy to read, which brings me to this point: is it always necessary to be pompous when writing?
 
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