Writing center - If you want to improve your writing skill

Thank you very very much for your help.
I will try to minimize my error to improvemy essay.
I will soon my another essay
thanks
 
Topic: The advantage and disadvantage of new innotation in the last 100 years

New inventions in science and technology, as well as social development in the last 100 years have been greatly affecting our life. The way we live has changed significantly. However, we are not able to really tell if that ís good or bad. Inventions and technology also come at other social costs.

On the one hand, these advantages are absolutely[how can anything be absolutely good and but bad at the same time?] good. With new technology, many old people still stay alive at the age they would have been died 100 years ago. This can explain the fact that in developed countries, life expectancy is higher than that in developing ones. Moreover, nowadays, we can communicate, even send a letter, many times as fast as in the past. Hardly did people 100 years ago send a mail in just five seconds.(hah, it's not a mail, it's an e-mail. You only say it's a mail when you PO it) In the other words, the improvements in science have played a significant role in our lives.

On the other hand, they also take us into troubles. In fact, in developed countries, increase in life expectancy means that there are more and more old people, who cannot work but need health care services, as well as social security. The more important thing is that the number of young people in those countries is decresing rapidly, hovering the risk of lack of labor. In addition, working all day with high-technique devices are depressing people. In one survey, a number of people in stress have risen sharly in the last 20 years. From the fact above, we can see how the development of science takes disadvantages(this is completely wrong if you ever take statistics. Dont generalize through only 1 survey)

In brief, because things are two-faced, what we should do is to maximize the good effects and minimize the side effects.
 
As promising, I once more post my last essay on this topic.
Looking forward to hearing from your comments

Topic:
Too much attention is given to headline grabbing disasters like earthquake and floods. Government should concentrate their resources on educating people about the risks they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives.
Agree or not?

Start

Year by year, natural disasters, such as earth-quake and flood, cost thousands of lives in the world, which makes governments concentrate on preventing them. However, it is still under debate whether or not it is better if the governments focus on other risks surrounding nearer to people.
First of all, these attentions from those governments are very necessary. For instance, a flood happening causes not only destruction but also many of deaths. A forest-fire is able to destroy hundreds of acres of woods, as well as the ecology system within. It follows that the effect is these disasters is so serious that it must be concerned very much. Without activities to minimize the probability of them happening, it will be soon irreparable. In the other words, the efforts of the governments to prevent them are indispensable to save both human beings and all of the livings in the world.
Nevertheless, apart from these huge accidents, there are something needed to be paid attention as well. They may not be as widespread as natural disasters but able to cost far more lives. For example, the water pollution, in particular, is also one of the dangerous risks, which would kill thousands of people who cannot either have the running water or refresh the water resources. Moreover, some diseases must also be concentrated on. As we all know, in February and March 2003, the new disease SARS appeared in some countries and killed a lot of people. This might result from the less concern of the governments at that time. Consequently, these government should also educate people about such those risks that they are able to protect themselves.
In conclusion, the governments should pay attention to both headline grabbing disasters and normal life risks, which may save a large number of lives



Thank you for your help
 
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
Topic:
Too much attention is given to headline grabbing disasters like earthquake and floods. Government should concentrate their resources on educating people about the risks they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives.
Agree or not?

Start

Every year, natural disasters, such as earth-quake and flood, cost thousands of lives in the world. It is urgent that governments concentrate on preventing them. However, it is still under debate whether or not governments should focus on domestic risks instead. .
.. body để chị My sửa nhá! :p

In conclusion, the governments should pay attention to both headline grabbing disasters and daily risks. Through education and the long-term preparation, thousands of lives could be saved.


Thank you for your help[/QUOTE]
 
As the deadline is coming, each one in the EHAO group has to submit at least one piece of writing. Below is mine. This is a compulsory assignment so you know, it can't be well-written. :D Plz help me edit it. Thanks. ;)

Once I counted all the songs and poems on Hanoi. It is fantastic to see how many musicians and writers have been in love with Hanoi. Actually, there never exists the word Hanoi. It is Ha Noi, “a city on the Bend in the River.” However far away from that city, one would still wish to return to Hanoi even for a few moments.

To me, Hanoi is peaceful. The view of the lakes is peaceful. The smell of “hoa sua” or flower milk at the end of fall is also peaceful. The chilly air in the evening is even more peaceful. Sometimes, I wish I could trade everything I have for a few minutes walking along a quiet street in Hanoi in a fall evening. Nothing can be compared to the yummy taste of boiled snails in tiny restaurants around West Lake in winter. Hanoi is where I can come back and rest my soul after rushing with work, being swarmed by every day worries. I can always relax my mind walking around Hoan Kiem Lake or boating in West Lake.
Some people may find it chaotic with two-wheel traffic jams that will drive you batty. People seem to be racing on all kinds of scooters. My friends all raise their eyebrows when I talk about my talent of riding huge scooters. Crowded streets are typical of all big cities, not only Hanoi. Scooters are even typical of Vietnam. No one in Hanoi is idle. People saw, weld, jackhammer, repair, build, lug, sell and cook on the pavements. Life is full of energy. However, Hanoi always conceals something really special and different from all other Vietnamese cities. If Ho Chi Minh City is New York, then Hanoi is Boston. Hanoi is smaller, more refined and austere than its southern sister-city. Someone has said, the entrepreneurs live in Ho Chi Minh City, the poets in Hanoi.
Quickly return, quickly leave. Within several weeks, I could not walk along every small and quiet street of Hanoi as I intended to. I could not take photos of every single beautiful lake of Hanoi. However, the image of an old lady selling steamed sticky rice on the pavement or the voice of a man selling tofu soup will never ebb away in my mind.
 
Once I counted all the songs and poems about Hanoi, and was surprised to see how many musicians and writers have been in love with Hanoi. It is Ha Noi, “a city on the Bend in the River,” that however far away, one would still wish to return to.

To me, Hanoi is peaceful, in the view of the lakes, and in the smell of “hoa sua” or milk flower at the end of fall. The chilly evening air is even more peaceful. Sometimes, I wish I could trade everything I have for a few minutes walking along a quiet street in Hanoi in a fall evening. Nothing can be compared to the yummy taste of boiled snails in tiny restaurants around West Lake in winter. Hanoi is where I can come back and rest my soul after every day worries. I can always relax walking around Hoan Kiem Lake or go rowing in West Lake.

Some people may find Hanoi chaotic with two-wheeled vehicles' traffic jams that will drive you crazy. People seem to be racing on all kinds of scooters. My friends all raise their eyebrows when I talk about my ability of riding huge scooters. Crowded streets are typical of all big cities, not only Hanoi. Scooters are even (more?) typical of Vietnam. No one in Hanoi is idle. People saw, weld, jackhammer, repair, build, lug, sell and cook on the pavements. Life is full of energy. However, Hanoi always conceals something really special and different from all other Vietnamese cities. If Ho Chi Minh City is like New York City , then Hanoi is like Boston. Hanoi is smaller, more refined and austere than its southern sister-city. Someone has said, the entrepreneurs live in Ho Chi Minh City, the poets in Hanoi.

During my trip back to Hanoi, I couldn't not walk along every small and quiet street of Hanoi like I had intended to. I could not take photos of every single beautiful lake of Hanoi. However, the image of an old lady selling steamed sticky rice on the pavement or the voice of a man selling soya milk curd will never ebb away in my mind.
 
:(( how come not until today do I come across this incredible thread
( it has been placed top down here for such a long time , if I get it right ? :(

to be painfully honest , I’m scared by you guys’ expertise . Looking back at my self, yet again , an uphill struggle. Still wondering where that knack come from ?

want to contribute smt , this is an essay for mr Nghiem ‘s class . Im hoping for some comments J

T: some people say that people learn by being competitive while others say that people learn best by being cooperative. Discuss these two positions and state your opinion.


Some people say that people learn by being competitive while others say that people learn by being cooperative. In fact , both competition and cooperation bring a lots of advantages to people .

Being competitive seems to be a tough task to perform but what people get from it is rewarding . Firstly, it improves independence , which is so important in such a competitive world like that of today. If people cant stand on their own feet , they are unable to participate in any competition and in it . Secondly , being competitive requires creative ability. The more creative people are , the more possibility they win a competition . The most important thing people learn from competition is there is no final goal . Today, their achievement is the best , but the next day, their opponent can do better so they have to keep trying otherwise they loose the race . This wonderful feature keeps people trying to achieve new targets.

On the othet hand , being cooperative seems to be an easier task but much more effort is required to build an incredible strength of unity and cooperation . Most people know the saying “two heads are better than one “. However , good cooperation among members of a group requires each member ‘s willingness to scarify the selfish “I “ to become part of that group . It also requires each member to win his or her envy to listen ans cooperate with those who are better than him or her at a particular field . The great result people can get from being cooperative is taking advantage of good points of each individual to create a strength of unity and cooperation . That strength can help people overcome any difficulty and challenge to achieve their common goal .

In a nutshell , peole gain a lot from beint competitive and cooperative. Competition are useful tools to help people develop and conquer new goals and it is hard to imagine the development human beings without such tools
 
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
[QUOE]Nguyễn Diệu Hương wrote:
Come on, guys!! You are all welcomed to the writing center![/QUOTE]
(the Third Reply)
---> you are all welcome ! :))
 
[QUOE]Nguyễn Diệu Hương wrote:
Come on, guys!! You are all welcomed to the writing center!
Nhấn để mở rộng...
(the Third Reply)
---> you are all welcome ! :))[/QUOTE]
That is my one-year old post, rite? Thanks for pointing out. :D
To class of 2009, I am looking forward to seeing you here.

Gud luck,
Your exhausted mod
 
Hi everybody!
I don't know how to improve this skill
I know that I have to pratice more and more but...
I just can read and write little piece with simple structure
Nơ, I'm facing 3 essays and don't know what to do...
 
Describe an experience of working with someone different from yourself in terms of age, race, class, sexual orientation, religion, physical or mental disability, or another perspective. What did you learn from this experience?

Erin is a girl with Down Syndrome. While I am outgoing and sociable, Erin loves music as much as she can stay in the room for hours listening to her “Wicked” CDs. While I am more of a gregarious type of person, Erin is sensitive and taciturn. In spite of different lifestyles that we have, we share the same bedroom, which has provided me the chance to get to understand such a “different” friend and how great a person she is.
At the age seventeen full of energy and ambition, everybody is busy with schoolwork, parties or even tiresome at some part-time jobs that supposedly give them a taste of business life. In contrast, Erin carries out everyday tasks in slow motion. If it takes me fifteen minutes to finish dinner, it takes her thirty. If it takes me thirty seconds to go upstairs to our room, it takes her two minutes. She hardly talks to people and would prefer being on her own instead. She is incapable of bathing herself without provision. Anytime she eats chocolate, it would be all over her mouth and she doesn’t even bother to wipe it off.
On the other hand, Erin reveals to be more than what I first thought about her. In spare time, I would love sitting by her and talking to her. I would share with her my day, what is going on. She is the one that I express myself to the most, something that I would never share with any other. She carefully listens to me without saying a word. All she does are smiling and soothing my hands. Though she might or might not understand what I was saying, Erin is always there being a friend that I can show all my inner feelings. Once I held her hand walking in the mall, she told our mother with a blissful smile on her face: “M..M..Mom, H. i..i..is hooolding my haaand.” She mused the words slowly and difficult, yet it was so touching. It would be flaw if I talk about Erin without mentioning all the titles that she has received thus far at CEVEC, a work organization for people like Erin. Her meticulous manner of working helped her earn “The best employee of the month”, “Best quality”, “Most Productive Worker” etc. On Valentine’s Day, I gave her a box of chocolate, which I knew she liked best. She , like usual, packed her mouth with so much chocolate that we could barely see her tiny teeth. Surprisingly, she took it as a humor and even showed off her “chocolate” tongue. Everybody laughed and she took it as the high of the day. Having Erin as part of the family really brings happiness to our everyday life.
Throughout my life, Erin will be among those I remember the most. I value any moment we have together. I thank her for being a great friend of mine. She makes a major impact on me as to my idea about children with challenging needs. I enjoy staying with this family and the diversity that exists within it. Had it not been for this meet, I would scarcely have the opportunity to realize how lucky I am, and to look at life at from another perspective- that of special need children. Even though life has been unfair to deprive of her the right of being a normal person, I believe Erin, representing people like her, is welcomed part of her community, for how sweet a girl she is.

Not the kind of essay I am good at, this is more like emotional. have 2 days to write. help me out here...
 
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
Hi,
I'm doing an essay on living in America. The topic is comparing the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community. That is a sealed book to me… can anyone help me?
 
hey Dũng, are u in the US rite now? If yes, a dorm or an apartment? From your own experience you can at least jot down some ideas for the essay.
Probably you have more freedom living in an apartment but you can have more fun, form more relationships w/ other people at your age living in dorms. :)

to Mai Hương: 1st, wat's the purpose of this essay ? College app? If so, you should tell more about why you end up staying w/ that girl. Did u meet her in VN or the US? And how?
It was confusing to me at first since I don't know whether the story is fictional or not. There are some parts bout Erin you can cut but talk more about how you communicate with her and try to understand her... :)
 
Dear Diệu Hương :-/ I'm in VN now (but probably on the way to the U.S. :)) ). Could you help me with the topic? (I'm studying in the English Course of Mr. Nghiem -- hihi, he often talks about you.)
 
sao sau chữ "Dear Diệu Hương" phải để dấu hỏi thế kia :p
sure, I will help if I can. If you want people to edit ur essay, just post it here. ;)
 
;)
Here's my essay :-/ is it OK?

Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community. Where would you prefer to live?

Living conditions have strong influence on students’ study. Students can choose between living in university housing and living in an apartment in the community. Though each has its own advantages, I would prefer to live in university housing.

An apartment in the community provides life with high flexibility and freedom for students. The rent is reasonable and can be decided by your situation. You can search for the most suitable room and share the cost with a friend. You also have more chance to find part-time jobs. Living in the apartment is really good choice for students who want to live independently, as it fosters their social skills. Dealing with many problems, taking responsibility for everything, they might have a lot of experience. In addition, there is no determining rules, so students can freely arrange their time in and out the apartment.

However, for me living in a university dormitory is the best choice for my study. The most important reason is that I can save time for studying. Most of the university housing is on the campus, so students can walk or use the school buses. I also don’t bother about cooking, as meals are served in the canteens. The university housing provides students with many services. These include cleaning, health care, security and so on. Living condition is totally safe and convenient. In addition, you would have more fun living with many friends of your age. They can help you with schoolwork, and you can join them in exciting activities on the campus. Life is always jolly and easy.

In conclusion, there are good points of both living in university housing and in an apartment in the community. Choosing a place to live depends on personal situation. For me, living in the university housing is the best answer.
 
Nguyễn Trung Dũng đã viết:
;)
Here's my essay :-/ is it OK?

Compare the advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in the community. Where would you prefer to live?

Living conditions have strong influence on students’ study. Students can choose between living in university housing and living in an apartment in the community. Though each has its own advantages, I would prefer to live in university housing.

(transition..) An apartment in the community provides life with students with high flexibility and freedom for students. The rent is reasonable and can be decided by your situation :-/ .

You can search for the most suitable room and share the cost with a friend. You also have more chance to find part-time jobs. Living in the apartment is really good choice for students who want to live independently, as it fosters their social skills. Dealing with many problems, taking responsibility for everything, they might have a lot of experience. In addition, there is no determining rules, so students can freely arrange their time in and out the apartment.

However, for to me living in a university dormitory is the best choice for my study. The most important reason is that I can save time for studying. Most of the university housing is on the campus, so students can walk or use the school buses. I also don’t bother about cooking, as meals are served in the canteens. The university housing provides students with many services. These include cleaning, health care, security and so on. Living condition is totally safe and convenient. In addition, you would have more fun living with many friends of your age. They can help you with schoolwork, and you can join them in exciting activities on the campus. Life is always jolly and easy [-x ;) .

In conclusion, there are good points of both living in university housing and in an apartment in the community. Choosing a place to live depends on personal situation. For me, To me, living in the university housing is the best answer.
Nhấn để mở rộng...
( or I personally find that..)

I just skim through so I can't make any major changes (actually I don't need to ;). It's pretty good. Just curious, are you thinking of going abroad?
 
words in bold: don't really get what you mean/ changes I made
words/sentences underlined: can be written in another way :D
 
Dear Huong: Thank you for your reply and your advice :) I have had corrections to the essay :)>-
 
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