"Sometimes I guess it would be good to be a bubble. Delicate, transparent, iridescent yet has the whole world reflected upon it. And then, in a moment when no one notices, it just melts into the very infinity of the sky."
from an old friend.
When you've gone through too much of something, everything becomes so trivial. Study is no longer exhausting, finals is no longer scary, living on your own is no longer difficult, no social interaction is completely fine. You can function well enough without eating and just a few hours of sleep, you can work for hours non-stop and ignore your coughing like hell.
Being a bubble would definitely feel way better than this. Shine glamorously for once, then just completely disappear into nothingness. And carve that moment into everyone's heart.
I don't even know who is the real me. Guess that after trying to act in different ways to please people, I've lost myself somewhere somehow. I've tried so hard to become better and better to make some ppl regret saying that I'm not good enough, but now I dont have the least bit of satisfaction of anything I've accomplished. My hands feel empty, and I dont even know what I really value after all.
Perhaps I should stop wasting too much time on something that does NOT belong to me and will NEVER belong to me. Perhaps I should care more about people that DO care about me. Perhaps I should pay more attention to my study that will DEFINITELY affect my future life. Perhaps...
No more perhaps. Right now, I will go make myself a nice cup of tea with lemon and honey. And enjoy some tasty cheesecakes when watching Sailormoon live action. Tonight I'm gonna study diligently on my Econ finals. And get a good sleep. That's enough for today. What will happen tomorrow, let it be. I'm just starting on the way to find myself back. And I'd better take small steps.
Or else I would stumble. Again.
