Pack 4 - Eng

BabyDino

Võ Thanh Trọng Nhân
(BabyDino)

New Member
Secret of success


"Sir, What is the secrete of your success?" a reporter asked a bank president.

"Two words"
"And, Sir,what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"And how do you make right decisions?"

"One word."

"And,sir, What is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir,what are they?"

"Wrong decisions"
 
A camel and an elephant meet.

The elephant asked the camel:
"Why do you have your breasts on your back?"

The camel, clearly irritated, replies:
"What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face."
 
Q: Why did you throw the butter out of the window?
A: I wanted to see a butterfly.
 
A man who used to make jokes once asked a doctor:

" Doctor, do you know the reason why my mouth is always open while I am sleeping?"

The doctor knowing that he is joking answered:

"Because the skin of your face is too short. Do you see that when you get up your eyes are open and your mouth is shut?"
 
Jason asks his grandpa: "Do you still have sex with Granny?" Grandpa says: "Yes, but only Oral". Jason says: "what is oral?" Grandpa: "I say **** you, and she says: **** you too"
 
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving"
 
If at first you don't succeed, Skydiving isn't the sport for you.
 
Two elderly ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

The lady asked, "What's that?"

"A condom," the other lady responded. "This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

"Where did you get it?" the other lady asked.

"You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day, the first lady hobbled herself down to the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

"It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.
 
"Did anyone lost a roll of bills around here with a rubber band around them?"

"Yes, I did."

"Well, I've found the rubber band."
 
Q: What does a woman in church and a woman in a bath tub have in common?

A: The woman in church has hope in her soul and the woman in the bath
tub has soap in her hole.
 
"You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead."
 
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures--the whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."
 
Tell me something," asked Joe "how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach, Pete?"

Pete thought for a while and answered, "Five, I think!"

"Wrong," said Joe, "because your stomach is no longer empty after you've eaten your first one. So the other four don't count! Gotcha, ha, ha!"

Pete, the dud, was impressed. I must try it on my wife, he thought to himself.

"Honey, how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach?"

"Two", came the answer.

"Aw shucks, hon. if you had said five, I would have told you a good one!"
 
The 3 tragedies in a man's life:

1- Life sucks
2- Job sucks
3- Wife does NOT!
 
Happiness is like peeing your pants.
Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.
 
"Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason
we are doing it." -- Richard Feynman
 
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
 
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... **anything**!!!"
He returns her gaze."Anything???"
"Yes ... anything!!!"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... study???"
 
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"

The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
 
A Scotsman was arguing with a conductor as to whether the fare was 50 or 75 cents. Finally the disgusted conductor picked up the Scotsman's suitcase and tossed it off the train, just as they passed over a bridge. The suitcase landed with a splash.

"Man," screamed the Scotsman, "isn't it enough to try to overcharge me, but now you try to drown my little boy!"
 
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