I need some sleep

[Chu Vân Hương (Van Huong)]

Title: I NEED SOME SLEEP
Author: Lê Minh Đức
Class: A3 01-04
High school: Hanoi- Amsterdam

I put another pillow over my head, but the sound still managed to wriggle its way through that and the first pillow and a pair of earplugs to come to me. The annoying sound of voices, chattering and laughing. One minute it was low and monotonous and I would sink slowly into a drowse, the next someone shrieked with laughter and my heart would jump and I woke up with a start. It'd been like that the whole night. I couldn't get more than 15 minutes of silence. And I need silence, complete silence, in order to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my roommates don't seem to think along the same line. They don't even seem to need sleep at all. Our classes were out at 11, now it was almost 4 AM and they were still in the living-room, talking and drinking beers.

"Damn it," I swore under my breath, pushing the pillows away to allow my ears some fresh air. What the hell were they talking about anyways? How could they have enough to talk about for almost five hours? How could they do that everyday?

I had made it very clear when looking for roommates that I wasn't the party kind of guy. The guys I roomed with weren't either. But they were the talkative kind of guys. That was stupid of me. I hadn't thought about that, because as it turned out, the talks were much more annoying to me than the parties. You weren't allowed to party late in our apartment complex, but you were allowed to talk as late as you wanted.

I had never been a guest at those "Late Night with the Boys" talk shows, simply because I was too tired. I worked during the day, had classes at night, and after that all I wanted to do was sleep. Besides, I wasn't much of a talker. I always went straight to my room and spent the night tossing and turning in my bed while the sound of their voices kept me from falling asleep. They didn't really keep me awake, but as I was ready to fall asleep, someone would shout or laugh loudly, and wake me up. Then their voices got low and I would doze off again. Then someone would shout or laugh again. It was like that all night. It wasn't their words or their talks. Just the sound of their voices.

Blah blah blah...
HA HA HA...
Blah blah blah...

The sound kept repeating itself in my mind, driving me crazy, slowly and painfully.

At first I tried to ask them politely to keep their voices down. It didn't work. They said, "Okay, sorry man, we'll keep it low." But it made no difference. I could still hear them just the same. Obviously they thought their voices were low enough. So I stopped asking them anything. I started to wish they would bring their little conference somewhere else and let me sleep. But they never went anywhere. So after a while I started to wish they would get drunk and stop talking and let me sleep. But they never drank enough to get drunk. So after a while I started to wish they were a bunch of mute and had to sign to each other and let me sleep. But of course they were not mute. So I started to wish they would fall asleep before I did. Now that was a sensible wish. But it was never granted. My roommates didn't have to work, they all had classes at night, so they could sleep until 2 PM if they wanted to. They didn't have to worry about getting up early like I did. They kept talking and talking and keeping me awake.

There were a few rare, precious moments when they stopped talking for about 5 minutes. That was when I felt happiest. Silence. Nothing but heavenly silence around me. Then someone's laughter hit my ears like an explosion, and I came back to hell.

Blah blah blah... I started to drop off... blah blah blah... if they went on like that all night I might be able to sleep... but they didn't... HA HA HA... I woke up... blah blah blah... I dropped off again...

Things went on like that for some months. I didn't catch what my professors were saying in classes because I was asleep half of the time. My boss said he would fire me if I didn't stop dozing over my work. That was when I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I came up with a simple plan. That night, there was a little drinking and almost no talking at all. My roommates dropped off, one guy after another in the living-room. I had never seen them in such deep sleep. And you know what, they didn't even snore. My plan worked very well.

Too well to be true.

My roommates never woke up.

I had injected tranquilizer into their beers. I knew they never drank much each night, so I had to make sure I put in enough to make them fall asleep. I must've put in too much. Or maybe that night they drank a lot more than usual. Either way, to get some sleep myself, I had put those guys to sleep. Eternally. By mistake.
Oh well, I guess there will be no "blah, blah, blah" bothering my sleep in jail.

 

[Nguyễn Vân Mai (nvanmai)]

Comments from the Writing Contest Board of Examiners:

“Shocking ending, quite interesting”

“Good use of English and the story flows very well. But the story line is a little weird. I can see the built up frustration, (which is very well described), but the solution is a little bit off. When I first read the story, I thought it was a kind of funny, comedic story, but the ending turned out to be rather troubled. I think there is a mismatch between the tone of the story in the general and the ending here.”

“This story actually had the beginnings of a good story. I wondered if the author would develop the mad psychosis of the character. Unfortunately, the ending was abrupt and flippant, lacking remorse, pity or even a proper show of madness.”

“What is the point of this story? What will the readers get from it???”

 

[Lê Minh Đức (minhduc)]

I know the contest is over but... can I have some say?

First: you guys got my name wrong. My family name is Le. Funny, "Tran" is actually my paternal family's middle name.

Second:
- For the question "what is the point of the story?", the answer is simple. I wrote this for my class. I didn't even want to enter the contest. I was feeling a bit angry w/ my talkative roommate so I came up w/ the plot to release my anger. Pretty sick, I know.
- What will the readers get from it? OK, may I ask that must there always be a "meaning" to every story? Can't the writer just write smth for the sake of... well, writing smth? I don't want the readers to get anything. As I've said, this was just a way of releasing my anger.

Last, but not least: FYI, that guy in the story isn't crazy (well, a bit out of his mind, I guess). He doesn't mean to kill anyone. He just want to get them to fall asleep. He's obsessed w/ getting some sleep himself. That's why in the end, when he realizes he's accidentally killed his roommates, all he can think of is now he can sleep, even if it's in jail.


Thanx for letting me jabbering

 

[Ngô Tố Giao (togiao)]

Frankly saying, I like your story. I like the idea of the story and the way you developed it. But, the ending is very weak. If you could continue develope the madness of the character, as he could not sleep even after his roomates felt asleep or dead. That would help your story stand out better. Good job.

 

[Lê Diệu Linh (dieulinhle)]

I know the contest is over but... can I have some say?

First: you guys got my name wrong. My family name is Le. Funny, "Tran" is actually my paternal family's middle name.

Second:
- For the question "what is the point of the story?", the answer is simple. I wrote this for my class. I didn't even want to enter the contest. I was feeling a bit angry w/ my talkative roommate so I came up w/ the plot to release my anger. Pretty sick, I know.
- What will the readers get from it? OK, may I ask that must there always be a "meaning" to every story? Can't the writer just write smth for the sake of... well, writing smth? I don't want the readers to get anything. As I've said, this was just a way of releasing my anger.

Last, but not least: FYI, that guy in the story isn't crazy (well, a bit out of his mind, I guess). He doesn't mean to kill anyone. He just want to get them to fall asleep. He's obsessed w/ getting some sleep himself. That's why in the end, when he realizes he's accidentally killed his roommates, all he can think of is now he can sleep, even if it's in jail.


Thanx for letting me jabbering

Hi Đức,

First, we are sorry about the wrong name. Thank you for letting us know so we can improve in logistic work next time.

Regarding your story, actually, I have to say that it was among the few stories that gave me ambivalence when grading. On the one hand, your writing skill is very good and polished. On the other hand, as I've said in the comments, there is a mismatch between the tone of the story and the ending. You sounded comical, funny at first but the ending did not show any trace of these lighthearted feelings. Instead, it was abrupt, and awkward.

You asked whether stories necessarily have to be "telling". I would say yes, because that's what people expect stories to be. They should have plots, characters, and some meanings. Otherwise, you can have a very well-written journal entry, which is beautiful but still not a story.

However, I think you have great potential. Your writing is neat, natural, coherent and fun to read. I would encourage you to keep a journal and may be someday collect several pieces among them to write a better crafted story. Keep up the good work!

I hope that helps.

 

[Đoàn Trang (Ms_Independent)]

Wow, this is quite a story, I have to say.

The writer was successful in helping the readers get into the mind of a person that is slowly-and-unconciously loosing his mind. That's why the ending is so abrubt, unexpected, and cold-hearted. It is supposed to be so.
You can see here the common mind-set of killers or suicides: people who got so lost within themselves that they no longer have the ability and capacity of being aware of their emotions and actions. Therefore it would 'not' make any sense if they actually had any remorse for what they've done.

A sharp, comic, and yet dead-serious short story. Very good job, indeed!

What the readers can get out of the story?
- Sleep. Very much important. Of course.

 

[Đoàn Trang (Ms_Independent)]

I know the contest is over but... can I have some say?

First: you guys got my name wrong. My family name is Le. Funny, "Tran" is actually my paternal family's middle name.

Second:
- For the question "what is the point of the story?", the answer is simple. I wrote this for my class. I didn't even want to enter the contest. I was feeling a bit angry w/ my talkative roommate so I came up w/ the plot to release my anger. Pretty sick, I know.
- What will the readers get from it? OK, may I ask that must there always be a "meaning" to every story? Can't the writer just write smth for the sake of... well, writing smth? I don't want the readers to get anything. As I've said, this was just a way of releasing my anger.

Last, but not least: FYI, that guy in the story isn't crazy (well, a bit out of his mind, I guess). He doesn't mean to kill anyone. He just want to get them to fall asleep. He's obsessed w/ getting some sleep himself. That's why in the end, when he realizes he's accidentally killed his roommates, all he can think of is now he can sleep, even if it's in jail.


Thanx for letting me jabbering

I just love that you were being so honest.

Now that knowing where you were coming from I can understand why you could write such a good story at quite a young age of yours.

Did you know that in Psychology, there's actually many studies have been done during the history for thousands of years on the idea that "genius is allied with madness"?

This is what Benjamin Rush, one of the signers of the U.S. Constitution and a founder of American psychiatry, had to say about it: "From a part of the brain preternaturally elevated, but not dieased, the mind sometimes discovers not only unusual strengths and acuteness, but certain talents it never exhibited before." In fact, Aristole pointed out that leading philosophies, poet, politicians and artists all have tendencies toward 'melancholia'.
(Quoted from Abnormal Psychology, David H. Barlow - V. Mark Durand)

So in fact, you need to thank your anger - your source of inspirations and motivations - my dear!

 

[Lê Minh Đức (minhduc)]

Wow, this is quite a story, I have to say.

The writer was successful in helping the readers get into the mind of a person that is slowly-and-unconciously loosing his mind. That's why the ending is so abrubt, unexpected, and cold-hearted. It is supposed to be so.
You can see here the common mind-set of killers or suicides: people who got so lost within themselves that they no longer have the ability and capacity of being aware of their emotions and actions. Therefore it would 'not' make any sense if they actually had any remorse for what they've done.

A sharp, comic, and yet dead-serious short story. Very good job, indeed!

What the readers can get out of the story?
- Sleep. Very much important. Of course.

Thanks for saying this. It's exactly what I meant, I just couldn't get it right.

 

[Lê Minh Đức (minhduc)]

Frankly saying, I like your story. I like the idea of the story and the way you developed it. But, the ending is very weak. If you could continue develope the madness of the character, as he could not sleep even after his roomates felt asleep or dead. That would help your story stand out better. Good job.

Why, of course he CAN sleep! Now there's nothing that bothers him anymore. That's the whole point of the story!

 

[Ngô Tố Giao (togiao)]

Baby, the difference between a story and a journal is imagination, creativity and sturcture or purpose. A good writer introduces thoughts and feelings to his readers in a context in which they can learn something new. In a journal, you just write what you feel -- whatever you want. With a story, a good writer can write beyond others’ imagination and introduce them to new ideas.

Your story had a good beginning. It made others share the feelings of distress of your character, as if they were the one who couldn’t fall sleep because of their noisy roommates. In real life, a lot of us have had similar experiences. That’s why we expect a better ending.

1. For those, who are patient, nice, peace loving, and good hearted... they might think you should do something to help your roomates being more thoughtful, respectful toward others privacy.

2. For those, who are more agressive, they might want to join the crowd and somehow teach their roomates to change their attitude...

3. For those, who like adventure, they would think about an unexpected ending...

There are many options. Either way, there should be a clear meaning, a path of psychological development. In real life, if you made those guys fall sleep, there’s no way you could sleep either. First, you would feel happy for the silence; then you might feel something was missing that you used to have everynight; then you might feel a little bit strange about the silence; then you would feel scared, and the story would get to the pick when and how you realized your roommates were dead, and you may have plunged deeper into insanity as remorse overwhelmed you for killing those guys.

Another way of developing your story is, after describing your feelings in your story, you could end it with awakening, realizing that the whole thing was just a dream. Experiencing the scary thoughts and feelings of an unrealized crime, you would act more thoughtful by next day. How and what, you could leave open for others to imagine themselves.

Or, you could end the story by finding that they were still alive and you felt relieved, and being thankful for those guys lives. There could be a lesson for you in the future too.

Your story ends abruptly, which makes people feel like you don’t care about your character or the story itself -- no lesson, though you might say the only thing you wanted for now is sleep, but then what? What would happen after you got it? What is the lesson? And if that happened in the real life, would you feel sorry for doing something irrationally?

If you don't want to develop the story that way, and just want to concentrate on your desire of falling sleep, you could develop a character with an evil madness, a psychotic meglomeniacal fellow who has no feeling for others. That’s another way to write a good psychological story, but the abrupt ending weakens the your story. I suggest that is what people expected from your story, and so their disappointment.

 

[Đoàn Trang (Ms_Independent)]

Yep, I think sis Giao made very good points here.

 

[Nguyễn Thị Tuyết Nhung (Nhung Nguyen)]

Hi, guys, cannot help putting my two cents in the discussion.

I have to agree that the ending of the story is quite abrupt, not very satisfying and not consistent with the character portrayed in the story. However, the ending is surely surprising. Hence the heated discussion in this forum.

And isn't it what stories are all about? To make people think, discuss about them and for that the stories linger in their memories for a longer time.

So I believe Đức did a good job with his story, considering the concise space he gave it. Thank you for sharing the story with us. Hope you pick better room-mates next time. Make them sign a contract in advance: "If I attempt to kill you, you are not allowed to sue me". )