Common Essay needs help

looks like a journal, and too many abbreviations... the tense is debatable :)
anyway, pretty creative..
Luck w/u all
 
Quynh anh,
so are you going to use it for common application essay.
I like it as it express you very truely,
BUt honestly, I don't know why you didn't talk about the role of your mom.
I think you ảe more interesting as you have had some "virtues" of her.
 
nguyen quynh my đã viết:
looks like a journal, and too many abbreviations... the tense is debatable :)
anyway, pretty creative..
Luck w/u all
Nhấn để mở rộng...

Is this about mine? If so, i don't know what you mean by abbreviations. The tense is strange, because i chose to describe it "live" :D
 
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối bởi người điều hành:
Lê Quỳnh Anh đã viết:
William Blake said, “As the doors of perception were to be cleansed, everything would appear to men as it is truly infinite.” The awareness of the longest way in life was my first “door of perception.”
Nhấn để mở rộng...

Quote câu này hay quá :)

I am half way the world from my father now. But his last words to me at the airport still swim in my head, “Leave but don’t leave me!” Even Pink Floyd couldn’t be better!
Nhấn để mở rộng...

Câu này giống câu kết của chị năm ngoái. Từ swim nghe hehe, giống bài nào của Hồng Nhung ấy nhỉ ;)

Btw, i like this essay, since it seems to be more natural. I wonder if that is true abt your daddy, pretty musical :)

To Minh: yeah, that was my comment to u :)
 
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
To sis mY, To my knowledge this is true about her father and her( Q.Anh too). I know both ò them ( Anh anh S.) quite well
 
To QA ( or Quy.. :p):
Can I send your essay to EHAO? It is natural and touching. I like it a lot. Do you mind if it is edited a little bit?
 
thanks for all your comments. I feel much more confident now.
to sis My: would you mind posting your last year essay (if it is not too personal) I am a bit curious about its ending? U also like Pink? and swim actually comes from a song by the corrs a long time ago.
to dieuhau: u are going to make me an offer I can not refuse :) go ahead but show me your editing. ok?
to Thao: if i wrote about my mom, it will be much longer and more cliche (sad but true :( )
again thanks u all
 
Guys, it's 3 am and I'm totally high. This esay is a bit on crack. Tell me what u think.

WHY REED

Catchy: “If academia is a religion, then we’re pretty damned pious,” acclaimed a Reed student. I raised my eyebrows, chuckled and read on. From that moment, Reed is it.

“You go girl”: The girl in the mirror opposite me glows like a child when she argues about immigrant rights or inner city education. I love public speaking, for the pure joy of it. At Reed, I would gladly roll up my sleeves with the school’s national-awarded debaters to confront some perky eyes, raid the air with words, and especially to be silenced by sharper tongues. Forget the winners and the right answers, because Reed is all about taking a step outside and squinting boldly at the norms. Likewise, I want to tear apart the rules of societal games and freely marvel at our ability. It clicks.

Geek: Such a simple desire sets the basis for my career choice as an international business lawyer for foreign companies in my country. Standing at an East-West crossroad, Vietnam is caught in a puzzle of infant free markets, morphing identity and tangling international laws. I want to graduate from Reed as an economist and an international-policy expert, proving how pure Communism is like calculating infinity and attesting that foreign policy is such a zero-sum game. I trust Reed’s promise of originality and challenge, trust that it will not coin me out as economist number 504 but recreate me as a jack-of-all-trade of my own.

Hommie: Vietnam is on the other side of the world, thus college is home. Only here can I plow through the vast library network, research in top-notch facilities, explore American democratic enterprise and then set off to Japan to learn about the only first-world economy in the Asiatic rim. Later on, abundant research and internship opportunities like the senior’s thesis will weave those experiences into solid, real life solutions. But besides the brain factors, I most look forwards to the unique environment at Reed: “cool, liberal and edgy without being too edgy.” I long for an open discussion about gay rights, flee market clothing, religions and of course the Paideia Kung Fu ‘Til You Drop. My Daoist subconscious specifically lobbies for Portland’s landscape paradise, for the sapphire oceans, angling sunshine on steep basalt cliffs (a perfect setting for Buddhist contemplation).

Reed is it. Glancing at the mirror, I see a jaw-dropping, all-for-it version of the same girl, glowing at the possibilities ahead. Still intrigued, but now spunky like New Orleans’ jazz and crisp like the Midwestern air, she wants to bring it over to your place for the next wild time.
 
Trang Nguyen đã viết:
Guys, it's 3 am and I'm totally high. This esay is a bit on crack. Tell me what u think.

WHY REED


“You go girl”: The girl in the mirror opposite me glows like a child when she argues about immigrant rights or inner city education. I love public speaking, for the pure joy of it. At Reed, I would gladly roll up my sleeves with the school’s national-awarded debaters to confront some perky eyes, raid the air with words, and especially to be silenced by sharper tongues.
Geek: Such a simple desire sets the basis for my career choice as an international business lawyer for foreign companies in my country. Standing at an East-West crossroad, Vietnam is caught in a puzzle of infant free markets, morphing identity and tangling international laws. I want to graduate from Reed as an economist and an international-policy expert, proving how pure Communism is like calculating infinity and attesting that foreign policy is such a zero-sum game.
Hommie: Vietnam is on the other side of the world, thus college is home. Only here can I plow through the vast library network, research in top-notch facilities, explore American democratic enterprise and then set off to Japan to learn about the only first-world economy in the Asiatic rim. Reed is it. Glancing at the mirror, I see a jaw-dropping, all-for-it version of the same girl, glowing at the possibilities ahead. Still intrigued, but now spunky like New Orleans’ jazz and crisp like the Midwestern air, she wants to bring it over to your place for the next wild time.
Nhấn để mở rộng...
I guess you just change and hover a bit with this essay from 'Why Bates?' to 'Why Reed?' right? Sorry if I have offended you.
It is still very flowing, well - organised and interesting.
 
No, no offense. Of course I changed it from Why Bates, I have to. There's no way I can write a different essay for each school. But I want to ask is the tone alright? Is it shifting in this essay? Also, about the cursed words, ò all places, Reed will be the one that appreciate it. They're pretty damned liberal.
 
If Reed is pretty damned liberal, then you are perfectly suitable for it. The tone is really floating and also I think the way you write, the way you point out the advantages the school can offer you are impressive. Yours are different from many Whys I have read or written.
 
Bạn phải đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để phản hồi tại đây.
Back
Bên trên