Amser- non Amser US class' 09, Application essay
- Bắt đầu 2H4ever
- Ngày bắt đầu
Trần Tuấn Anh
(Ipsen)
New Member
May my essay receive some constructive criticisms like the above 
Essay B: (Please keep to a 500-word limit)
An application to MIT is much more than a set of test scores, grades and activities. It's often a reflection of an applicant's dreams and aspirations, dreams shaped by the worlds we inhabit. We'd like to know a bit more about your world. Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is the purpose of this essay to help you understand your applicant, Admission Officer? But how to perceive an introversive personality who mostly stays in his isolated space? My suggestion is to visit that world, with me as your guide.
We will start in my 10th year of age.
Once, my uncle told our family about his niece’s gold medal, gained in an International Mathematics Olympiad. Everyone praised her for how clever and diligent she had been. To people’s surprise, my uncle said: “She isn’t hard-working at all; she just likes Mathematics”
Given the stresses of study in Vietnam which forced pupils to work hard, those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy, which has influenced my life since. The young ‘me’ concluded: following one’s heart is the key to EVERYTHING! Imbrued with that thought, I began listening to myself, trying to see what lay innermost in my soul.
If you wonder what I could find, walk upstairs please; part of the answer is on the next floor.
This is the ‘Discovery’ room, our second stop. The period on exhibition is my secondary school education, Year 6 to 9.
Physics was first introduced in Year 7. Immediately, I felt an augmenting interest in the new subject, despite my specialization in Mathematics, which had lasted for 3 years. Physics obsessed me so much that I was, in my classmates’ view, an odd peer who always asked “what” and “why” like a 3-year-old child: why hurricanes ripped off roofs, what made airplanes function… Later, my hobby changed from geometric problems to observing sunlight with lenses.
As you can see in this section, I am shown considering a subject in which to specialize at high school. Easily predicted, I chose Physics without regret dropping extra Mathematics education. I found what was desired deeply in my heart!
If your curiosity hasn’t been satisfied well with this ‘discovery’, please move on; something interesting is ahead.
......
Are you bored with seeing a teenager study Physics without serious incentives? Don’t be discouraged, fun has arrived! In this ‘Ambition’ room, you will find a more interesting image.
A year ago, I happened to read Richard Feynman’s autobiography. Thinking of his achievements, I asked myself:
-Can I possess such glory?
My ego responded:
-Certainly! I have a brain as does Feynman!
-But...how can I challenge that great figure?!
The question remained unanswered until...
At the same time, I got involved in some personal affairs and had to use my mobile phone a lot to settle them. But many of my important calls were frustrated by weak network signals! How annoying! “If electromagnetic waves cannot serve me well, then another will!” I grumbled “But...wait! I can challenge Feynman with this thought! I already have ideas about some different 'informatic' medium, what’s left is only how to materialize it!”
So I planned to create a new environment for wireless transmission. And my MIT application is a step towards that goal. Furthermore, I consider my plan as a duel with the late Feynman on who will influence future living more significantly. I hope to win, as Telecommunications are more popular in everyday life than Q.E.D.
This is the end of our journey. I hope my image is clearer to you. Thanks for your attention!
---------------------------------
Summary: 542 words / 20 paragraphs / 53 lines
Is it acceptable to exceed the 500-word limit by the margin of 42 words?
Essay B: (Please keep to a 500-word limit)
An application to MIT is much more than a set of test scores, grades and activities. It's often a reflection of an applicant's dreams and aspirations, dreams shaped by the worlds we inhabit. We'd like to know a bit more about your world. Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is the purpose of this essay to help you understand your applicant, Admission Officer? But how to perceive an introversive personality who mostly stays in his isolated space? My suggestion is to visit that world, with me as your guide.
We will start in my 10th year of age.
Once, my uncle told our family about his niece’s gold medal, gained in an International Mathematics Olympiad. Everyone praised her for how clever and diligent she had been. To people’s surprise, my uncle said: “She isn’t hard-working at all; she just likes Mathematics”
Given the stresses of study in Vietnam which forced pupils to work hard, those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy, which has influenced my life since. The young ‘me’ concluded: following one’s heart is the key to EVERYTHING! Imbrued with that thought, I began listening to myself, trying to see what lay innermost in my soul.
If you wonder what I could find, walk upstairs please; part of the answer is on the next floor.
This is the ‘Discovery’ room, our second stop. The period on exhibition is my secondary school education, Year 6 to 9.
Physics was first introduced in Year 7. Immediately, I felt an augmenting interest in the new subject, despite my specialization in Mathematics, which had lasted for 3 years. Physics obsessed me so much that I was, in my classmates’ view, an odd peer who always asked “what” and “why” like a 3-year-old child: why hurricanes ripped off roofs, what made airplanes function… Later, my hobby changed from geometric problems to observing sunlight with lenses.
As you can see in this section, I am shown considering a subject in which to specialize at high school. Easily predicted, I chose Physics without regret dropping extra Mathematics education. I found what was desired deeply in my heart!
If your curiosity hasn’t been satisfied well with this ‘discovery’, please move on; something interesting is ahead.
......
Are you bored with seeing a teenager study Physics without serious incentives? Don’t be discouraged, fun has arrived! In this ‘Ambition’ room, you will find a more interesting image.
A year ago, I happened to read Richard Feynman’s autobiography. Thinking of his achievements, I asked myself:
-Can I possess such glory?
My ego responded:
-Certainly! I have a brain as does Feynman!
-But...how can I challenge that great figure?!
The question remained unanswered until...
At the same time, I got involved in some personal affairs and had to use my mobile phone a lot to settle them. But many of my important calls were frustrated by weak network signals! How annoying! “If electromagnetic waves cannot serve me well, then another will!” I grumbled “But...wait! I can challenge Feynman with this thought! I already have ideas about some different 'informatic' medium, what’s left is only how to materialize it!”
So I planned to create a new environment for wireless transmission. And my MIT application is a step towards that goal. Furthermore, I consider my plan as a duel with the late Feynman on who will influence future living more significantly. I hope to win, as Telecommunications are more popular in everyday life than Q.E.D.
This is the end of our journey. I hope my image is clearer to you. Thanks for your attention!
---------------------------------
Summary: 542 words / 20 paragraphs / 53 lines
Is it acceptable to exceed the 500-word limit by the margin of 42 words?
Hi: I am in a hurry, and could only skim your essay for grammar mistakes. I will try to return to it with comments some later time.
--
Is the purpose of this essay to help you understand your applicant, Admissions Officer? But how to perceive an introverted personality who mostly stays in his isolated space? My suggestion is to visit that world, with me as your guide.
We will start in my 10th year of age.
Once, my uncle told our family about his niece’s gold medal, gained in an International Mathematics Olympiad. Everyone praised her for how clever and diligent she had been. To people’s surprise, my uncle said: “She isn’t hard-working at all; she just likes Mathematics”
Given the pressures of study in Vietnam which forced pupils to work hard, those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy, which has influenced my life since. The young ‘me’ concluded: following one’s heart is the key to EVERYTHING! Imbued with that thought, I began listening to myself, trying to see what lay innermost in my soul.
If you wonder what I could find, walk upstairs please; part of the answer is on the next floor.
This is the ‘Discovery’ room, our second stop. The period on exhibition is my secondary school education, Year 6 to 9.
Physics was first introduced in Year 7. Immediately, I felt an augmenting interest in the new subject, despite my specialization in Mathematics, which had lasted for 3 years. Physics obsessed me so much that I was, in my classmates’ view, an odd peer who always asked “what” and “why” like a 3-year-old child: why hurricanes ripped off roofs, what made airplanes function… Later, my hobby changed from geometric problems to observing sunlight with lenses.
As you can see in this section, I am shown considering a subject in which to specialize at high school. [Câu này hơi khó hiểu, phải đọc đi đọc lại vài lần mới ngỡ ra.] Easily predicted, I chose Physics without regret, dropping extra Mathematics education. I found what my heart deeply desired!
If your curiosity hasn’t been satisfied well with this ‘discovery’, please move on; something interesting is ahead.
......
Are you bored with seeing a teenager study Physics without serious incentives? Don’t be discouraged, fun has arrived! In this ‘Ambition’ room, you will find a more interesting image.
A year ago, I happened to read Richard Feynman’s autobiography. Thinking of his achievements, I asked myself:
-Can I possess such glory?
My ego responded:
-Certainly! I have a brain as does Feynman!
-But...how can I challenge that great figure?!
The question remained unanswered until... [transition not very smooth]
At the same time, I got involved in some personal affairs and had to use my mobile phone a lot to settle them. But many of my important calls were frustrated by weak network signals! How annoying! “If electromagnetic waves cannot serve me well, then others will!” I grumbled “But...wait! I can challenge Feynman with this thought! I already have ideas about some different 'informatic' medium, what’s left is only how to materialize it!”
So I planned to create a new environment for wireless transmission. And my MIT application is a step towards that goal. Furthermore, I consider my plan as a duel with the late Feynman on who will influence future living more significantly. I hope to win, as Telecommunications are more popular in everyday life than Q.E.D.
This is the end of our journey. I hope my image is clearer to you. Thanks for your attention!
---------------------------------
Summary: 542 words / 20 paragraphs / 53 lines
Is it acceptable to exceed the 500-word limit by the margin of 42 words?[/QUOTE]
--
Is the purpose of this essay to help you understand your applicant, Admissions Officer? But how to perceive an introverted personality who mostly stays in his isolated space? My suggestion is to visit that world, with me as your guide.
We will start in my 10th year of age.
Once, my uncle told our family about his niece’s gold medal, gained in an International Mathematics Olympiad. Everyone praised her for how clever and diligent she had been. To people’s surprise, my uncle said: “She isn’t hard-working at all; she just likes Mathematics”
Given the pressures of study in Vietnam which forced pupils to work hard, those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy, which has influenced my life since. The young ‘me’ concluded: following one’s heart is the key to EVERYTHING! Imbued with that thought, I began listening to myself, trying to see what lay innermost in my soul.
If you wonder what I could find, walk upstairs please; part of the answer is on the next floor.
This is the ‘Discovery’ room, our second stop. The period on exhibition is my secondary school education, Year 6 to 9.
Physics was first introduced in Year 7. Immediately, I felt an augmenting interest in the new subject, despite my specialization in Mathematics, which had lasted for 3 years. Physics obsessed me so much that I was, in my classmates’ view, an odd peer who always asked “what” and “why” like a 3-year-old child: why hurricanes ripped off roofs, what made airplanes function… Later, my hobby changed from geometric problems to observing sunlight with lenses.
As you can see in this section, I am shown considering a subject in which to specialize at high school. [Câu này hơi khó hiểu, phải đọc đi đọc lại vài lần mới ngỡ ra
.] Easily predicted, I chose Physics without regret, dropping extra Mathematics education. I found what my heart deeply desired!If your curiosity hasn’t been satisfied well with this ‘discovery’, please move on; something interesting is ahead.
......
Are you bored with seeing a teenager study Physics without serious incentives? Don’t be discouraged, fun has arrived! In this ‘Ambition’ room, you will find a more interesting image.
A year ago, I happened to read Richard Feynman’s autobiography. Thinking of his achievements, I asked myself:
-Can I possess such glory?
My ego responded:
-Certainly! I have a brain as does Feynman!
-But...how can I challenge that great figure?!
The question remained unanswered until... [transition not very smooth]
At the same time, I got involved in some personal affairs and had to use my mobile phone a lot to settle them. But many of my important calls were frustrated by weak network signals! How annoying! “If electromagnetic waves cannot serve me well, then others will!” I grumbled “But...wait! I can challenge Feynman with this thought! I already have ideas about some different 'informatic' medium, what’s left is only how to materialize it!”
So I planned to create a new environment for wireless transmission. And my MIT application is a step towards that goal. Furthermore, I consider my plan as a duel with the late Feynman on who will influence future living more significantly. I hope to win, as Telecommunications are more popular in everyday life than Q.E.D.
This is the end of our journey. I hope my image is clearer to you. Thanks for your attention!
---------------------------------
Summary: 542 words / 20 paragraphs / 53 lines
Is it acceptable to exceed the 500-word limit by the margin of 42 words?[/QUOTE]
Võ Thanh Trọng Nhân
(BabyDino)
New Member
A striking work, friend. I'm here to seek such an essay. It's almost flawless, yet there are still some confusing things. Following is my try. Hope to receive feedback from you. Here we go:
---------------------------------
Is the purpose of this essay to help you understand your applicant, Admission Officer? But how to perceive an introversive personality who mostly stays in his isolated space? My suggestion is to visit that world, with me as your guide.
introversive (a): directed inward; marked by interest in yourself or concerned with inner feelings
I can't find anything wrong with this word.
We will start in my 10th year of age.
Once, my uncle told our family about his niece’s gold medal, gained in an International Mathematics Olympiad. Everyone praised her for how clever and diligent she had been. To people’s surprise, my uncle said: “She isn’t hard-working at all; she just likes Mathematics” Given the stresses of study in Vietnam which forced pupils to work hard, those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy, which has influenced my life since. The young ‘me’ concluded: following one’s heart is the key to EVERYTHING! Imbrued with that thought, I began listening to myself, trying to see what lay innermost in my soul.
If you wonder what I could find, walk upstairs please; part of the answer is on the next floor.
Imbrue = saturate (v) [T]. I can't find anything wrong with this word although "Imbue" is also a suitable choice.
I have one question here. Let's consider the sentence:
Given the stresses of study in Vietnam which forced pupils to work hard, those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy, which has influenced my life since.
Does the past participle phrase from "given" to "work hard" modify the subject "those words"? Then is it semantically correct? When reading this sentence, I automatically understand it means "Those words were given the stresses..... Those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy...."
This is the ‘Discovery’ room, our second stop. The period on exhibition is my secondary school education, Year 6 to 9.
Physics was first introduced in Year 7. Immediately, I felt an augmenting interest in the new subject, despite my specialization in Mathematics (there should be no comma) which had lasted for 3 years. Physics obsessed me so much (My suggestion: "I was so obssessed with physics" - the verb "obssess" is preferable when used in passive voice) that I was, in my classmates’ view, an odd peer who always asked “what” and “why” like a 3-year-old child - why hurricanes ripped off roofs, what made airplanes function… Later, my hobby changed from geometric problems to observing sunlight with (I think "through" is better) lenses.
As you can see in this section, I am (should it be "was" instead?) shown considering (I think "how to consider" is more semantically appropriate) a subject in which to specialize at high school. Easily predicted, (this is grammatically incorrect. My suggestion: "As an ensuing result,") I chose Physics without regret dropping extra Mathematics education. I found what was desired deeply in my heart! (I totally agreed on nhungph's suggestion. Avert using passive voice impulsively. That's what I have learned from GMAT grammar)
If your curiosity hasn’t been satisfied well with this ‘discovery’, please move on; something interesting is ahead.
......
Are you bored with seeing a teenager studying Physics without serious incentives? Don’t be discouraged. (Use a period or semi colon instead of a comma) Fun has arrived! In this ‘Ambition’ room, you will find a more interesting image.
A ("One" is preferable in written English in this case) year ago, I happened to read Richard Feynman’s autobiography. Thinking of his achievements, I asked myself:
-Can I possess such glory?
My ego responded:
-Certainly! I have a brain as does Feynman!
-But...how can I challenge that great figure?!
The question remained unanswered until...
At the same time, I got involved in some personal affairs and had to use my mobile phone a lot to settle them. But many of my important calls were frustrated by weak network signals! How annoying! “If electromagnetic waves cannot serve me well, then others will!” I grumbled (I suppose "grumble" is neither semantically nor grammatically eligible here. My suggestion: "mumbled". And one more thing, only can transitive verbs be used to introduce quotations) “But...wait! I can challenge Feynman with this thought! I already have ideas about some different 'informatic' medium. (A period instead of a comma) What’s left is only how to materialize it!”
So I have (Present perfect instead of past simple. Using past simple inadvertently indicates that you now give up) planned to create a new environment for wireless transmission, and my MIT application is one step towards that goal. Furthermore, I consider my plan as a duel with the late Feynman on who will influence future living more significantly. I hope to win, for (if you want to indicate "because" after a comma, use "for". "As" or "since" with the meaning of "because" when used after a comma ordinarily marks the beginning of a subordinate clause modifying other parts of a sentence) Telecommunications are more popular in everyday life than Q.E.D.
This is the end of our journey. I hope my image is clearer to you. Thanks for your attention!
----------------------
You have gripping effective ideas that I can never come up with. However, there are some presumably wrong points in your essay that are mainly pertinent to participle and absolute phrase. Besides, you should be wary of your punctuation. If there's no conjunction, there's no comma. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Hope we'll have further interesting discussion on this essay.
---------------------------------
Is the purpose of this essay to help you understand your applicant, Admission Officer? But how to perceive an introversive personality who mostly stays in his isolated space? My suggestion is to visit that world, with me as your guide.
introversive (a): directed inward; marked by interest in yourself or concerned with inner feelings
I can't find anything wrong with this word.
We will start in my 10th year of age.
Once, my uncle told our family about his niece’s gold medal, gained in an International Mathematics Olympiad. Everyone praised her for how clever and diligent she had been. To people’s surprise, my uncle said: “She isn’t hard-working at all; she just likes Mathematics” Given the stresses of study in Vietnam which forced pupils to work hard, those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy, which has influenced my life since. The young ‘me’ concluded: following one’s heart is the key to EVERYTHING! Imbrued with that thought, I began listening to myself, trying to see what lay innermost in my soul.
If you wonder what I could find, walk upstairs please; part of the answer is on the next floor.
Imbrue = saturate (v) [T]. I can't find anything wrong with this word although "Imbue" is also a suitable choice.
I have one question here. Let's consider the sentence:
Given the stresses of study in Vietnam which forced pupils to work hard, those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy, which has influenced my life since.
Does the past participle phrase from "given" to "work hard" modify the subject "those words"? Then is it semantically correct? When reading this sentence, I automatically understand it means "Those words were given the stresses..... Those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy...."
This is the ‘Discovery’ room, our second stop. The period on exhibition is my secondary school education, Year 6 to 9.
Physics was first introduced in Year 7. Immediately, I felt an augmenting interest in the new subject, despite my specialization in Mathematics (there should be no comma) which had lasted for 3 years. Physics obsessed me so much (My suggestion: "I was so obssessed with physics" - the verb "obssess" is preferable when used in passive voice) that I was, in my classmates’ view, an odd peer who always asked “what” and “why” like a 3-year-old child - why hurricanes ripped off roofs, what made airplanes function… Later, my hobby changed from geometric problems to observing sunlight with (I think "through" is better) lenses.
As you can see in this section, I am (should it be "was" instead?) shown considering (I think "how to consider" is more semantically appropriate) a subject in which to specialize at high school. Easily predicted, (this is grammatically incorrect. My suggestion: "As an ensuing result,") I chose Physics without regret dropping extra Mathematics education. I found what was desired deeply in my heart! (I totally agreed on nhungph's suggestion. Avert using passive voice impulsively. That's what I have learned from GMAT grammar)
If your curiosity hasn’t been satisfied well with this ‘discovery’, please move on; something interesting is ahead.
......
Are you bored with seeing a teenager studying Physics without serious incentives? Don’t be discouraged. (Use a period or semi colon instead of a comma) Fun has arrived! In this ‘Ambition’ room, you will find a more interesting image.
A ("One" is preferable in written English in this case) year ago, I happened to read Richard Feynman’s autobiography. Thinking of his achievements, I asked myself:
-Can I possess such glory?
My ego responded:
-Certainly! I have a brain as does Feynman!
-But...how can I challenge that great figure?!
The question remained unanswered until...
At the same time, I got involved in some personal affairs and had to use my mobile phone a lot to settle them. But many of my important calls were frustrated by weak network signals! How annoying! “If electromagnetic waves cannot serve me well, then others will!” I grumbled (I suppose "grumble" is neither semantically nor grammatically eligible here. My suggestion: "mumbled". And one more thing, only can transitive verbs be used to introduce quotations) “But...wait! I can challenge Feynman with this thought! I already have ideas about some different 'informatic' medium. (A period instead of a comma) What’s left is only how to materialize it!”
So I have (Present perfect instead of past simple. Using past simple inadvertently indicates that you now give up) planned to create a new environment for wireless transmission, and my MIT application is one step towards that goal. Furthermore, I consider my plan as a duel with the late Feynman on who will influence future living more significantly. I hope to win, for (if you want to indicate "because" after a comma, use "for". "As" or "since" with the meaning of "because" when used after a comma ordinarily marks the beginning of a subordinate clause modifying other parts of a sentence) Telecommunications are more popular in everyday life than Q.E.D.
This is the end of our journey. I hope my image is clearer to you. Thanks for your attention!
----------------------
You have gripping effective ideas that I can never come up with. However, there are some presumably wrong points in your essay that are mainly pertinent to participle and absolute phrase. Besides, you should be wary of your punctuation. If there's no conjunction, there's no comma. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Hope we'll have further interesting discussion on this essay.
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
Trần Tuấn Anh
(Ipsen)
New Member
Regarding the way I separated paragraphs, only one explanation can be made: To make some "reading" effects.
On the word "Grumble", this is what I got from Webster's website, as an example: " L'Avare, not using half his store, still grumbles that he has no more."
As a "that" phrase can be used, I see nothing wrong with a quote :-/
And about the tense of "plan", I think simple past is possibe, as "plan" just indicates the act of making up some ways to do something. It has no relation with whether or not you actually implement your ideas.
Your suggestion: "A" --> "One" - My explanation: "one" is used for exact time, whereas "a" is for something a litte bit vaguer (e.g: one year = 365 days, a year = 10 months ~ 13 months)
About others, I have no comment now Because my skill of using expressions is rather poor. However, I still can judge whether your suggestions are appropriate
Anyway, many thanks for the already made comments and coming ones as well
PS: do you find this essay rather fragmentary?
On the word "Grumble", this is what I got from Webster's website, as an example: " L'Avare, not using half his store, still grumbles that he has no more."
As a "that" phrase can be used, I see nothing wrong with a quote :-/
And about the tense of "plan", I think simple past is possibe, as "plan" just indicates the act of making up some ways to do something. It has no relation with whether or not you actually implement your ideas.
Your suggestion: "A" --> "One" - My explanation: "one" is used for exact time, whereas "a" is for something a litte bit vaguer (e.g: one year = 365 days, a year = 10 months ~ 13 months)
About others, I have no comment now
Because my skill of using expressions is rather poor. However, I still can judge whether your suggestions are appropriate Anyway, many thanks for the already made comments and coming ones as well
PS: do you find this essay rather fragmentary?
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
Võ Thanh Trọng Nhân
(BabyDino)
New Member
As to the verb "grumble", I have checked the Webster online and found out it can also be transitive. Thank you very much for the useful reminder However, I still think semantically considered, "grumble" makes the context rather weird as it basically means "complain".
grum·ble
v. intr.
To complain in a surly manner; mutter discontentedly: “The governed will always find something to grumble about” (Crane Brinton).
To rumble or growl.
v. tr.
To express in a grumbling discontented manner: grumbled a rude response.
Regarding the past simple tense, it's a pity I can't cite its usages now since actually I'm a student from HCMC enjoying my vacation in HN with none of my handy grammar books at the moment. If you have any reliable grammar source, please check all of its usages though. Simple past tense generally conveys something that did happen and already end in the past, which makes your ideas in this particular context conflict with themselves.
So I planned to create a new environment for wireless transmission, and my MIT application is one step towards that goal.
Obviously if the act of planning does not exist now, there will be nothing to support the idea of your MIT application.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with the use of "a". I just wanted to share with you my experience that is precision is preferable in written English, especially when you have to prove your point. It is what I was imparted in a GMAT question where I was to make a choice between "a" and "one".
If I were given this topic, my essay could barely be as coherent as yours. I'm awating others' comments on this.
Submitting my work, I do hope to receive remarks as well as rectifications from others. Improving English is my prime reason to be here.
P.S. Some of my tips regarding word usage can be found in Oxford American WordPower Dictionary.
However, I still think semantically considered, "grumble" makes the context rather weird as it basically means "complain".grum·ble
v. intr.
To complain in a surly manner; mutter discontentedly: “The governed will always find something to grumble about” (Crane Brinton).
To rumble or growl.
v. tr.
To express in a grumbling discontented manner: grumbled a rude response.
Regarding the past simple tense, it's a pity I can't cite its usages now since actually I'm a student from HCMC enjoying my vacation in HN with none of my handy grammar books at the moment. If you have any reliable grammar source, please check all of its usages though. Simple past tense generally conveys something that did happen and already end in the past, which makes your ideas in this particular context conflict with themselves.
So I planned to create a new environment for wireless transmission, and my MIT application is one step towards that goal.
Obviously if the act of planning does not exist now, there will be nothing to support the idea of your MIT application.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with the use of "a". I just wanted to share with you my experience that is precision is preferable in written English, especially when you have to prove your point. It is what I was imparted in a GMAT question where I was to make a choice between "a" and "one".
If I were given this topic, my essay could barely be as coherent as yours. I'm awating others' comments on this.
Submitting my work, I do hope to receive remarks as well as rectifications from others. Improving English is my prime reason to be here.
P.S. Some of my tips regarding word usage can be found in Oxford American WordPower Dictionary.
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
Nguyễn Quỳnh My
(nguyenquynhmy)
Thành viên danh dự
Essay B: (Please keep to a 500-word limit)
An application to MIT is much more than a set of test scores, grades and activities. It's often a reflection of an applicant's dreams and aspirations, dreams shaped by the worlds we inhabit. We'd like to know a bit more about your world. Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is the purpose of this essay to help you understand your applicant, Admission Officer? Personally, i dont think this question is well suited. Dont state the obvious
But how to perceive an introversive personality who mostly stays in his isolated space? I'd use "that" instead My suggestion is to visit that world, with me as your guide.
Honestly, the intro is sincere, but not impressive nor does it signal anything but a mundane tour ahead. Your intro needs a more energetic tour guide, I guess. The intro,in brief, could be more catchy. I like the tour guide thingy, though
We will start in my 10th year of age.
had it been 1 day of age, it'd have sounded right to me (i personally picture a growing process of a creature instead... Change it to something simpler
Once, my uncle told our family about his niece’s gold medal, gained in an International Mathematics Olympiad. Everyone praised her for how clever and diligent she had been. To people’s (our) surprise, my uncle said: “She isn’t hard-working at all; she just likes Mathematics”
Given the stresses of study in Vietnam which forced pupils to work hard, those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy, which has influenced my life since. The young ‘me’ concluded: following one’s heart is the key to EVERYTHING! Imbrued with that thought, I began listening to myself -WC, trying to see what lay innermost in my soul.
If you wonder what I could find found, walk upstairs please; part of the answer is on the next floor (inappropriate use of a semi colon here)
This is the ‘Discovery’ room, our second stop. The period on exhibition is my secondary school education, Year 6 to 9 -- sounds like age 6 to 9 to me. Why dont u use "grade" instead of "year"?
Physics was first introduced in Year 7. Immediately, I felt an augmenting interest-"felt ...an interest?" in the new subject, despite my specialization in Mathematics, which had lasted for 3 years. Physics obsessed me so much that I was, in my classmates’ view, an odd peer who always asked “what” and “why” like a 3-year-old child - void this word: why hurricanes ripped off roofs, what made airplanes function… change to real question form Later, my hobby changed from geometric problems to observing sunlight with lenses try to use parallel structure here, dont use noun and then V-ing
As you can see in this section, I am shown considering a subject in which to specialize at high school. dont understand the sentence at all Easily predicted, I chose Physics without regret dropping extra Mathematics education. I found what was desired deeply in my heart! ...what my heart deeply desires (otherwise it'd sound to me like your desires came from somewhere else)
If your curiosity hasn’t been satisfied well (void "well") with this ‘discovery’, please move on; something interesting is ahead -- (so what you've been telling us is not interesting at all?)
......
Are you bored with seeing a teenager study Physics without serious incentives? Don’t be discouraged, fun has arrived! In this ‘Ambition’ room, you will find a more interesting image. serious incentives vs. fun : oxymoron-- also, "interesting" is repeated -- try to use a different word
A year ago, I happened to read Richard Feynman’s autobiography. Thinking of his achievements, I asked myself:
-Can I possess such glory?
My ego responded:
-Certainly! I have a brain as does Feynman! (like Feynman's?)
-But...how can I challenge that great figure?!
The question remained unanswered until...
At the same time --(??), I got involved in some personal affairs and had to use my mobile phone a lot to settle them. But many of my important calls were frustrated-- your calls cant be frustrated - you are frustrated by weak network signals! How annoying! “If electromagnetic waves cannot serve me well, then another will!” I grumbled “But...wait! I can challenge Feynman with this thought! I already have ideas about some different 'informatic' medium, what’s left is only how to materialize it!”
So I planned to create a new environment for wireless transmission. how are you gonna do this? Tell us more so that we dont think its chimerical And my MIT application is a step towards that goal. Furthermore, I consider my plan as a duel with the late Feynman on who- which one will influence future living more significantly -void this. I hope to win, as Telecommunications are more popular in everyday life than Q.E.D.
This is the end of our journey. I hope my image is clearer to you. Thanks for your attention! -- have u been to any tours? Well, at least all the tour guides i have encountered didn't end the tour this way
-----------------
I like the idea of elevation --from ur age 10 -> discovery->ambition. I think your future MIT education would help u reach that goal, not your "application." (but rather, MIT acceptance)
I'd avoid the use of all the "ands, buts, futhermores...." at the beginning of the sentence. THey make it seem like the previous one is not complete.
Also, i have a feeling that you tell more than show. What of Feynman's specific achievement that turned you on? Tell us more abt why it's Feynman but not others that truly kicked your butt, otherwise, you'd not be able to fall out of a norm.
Work more on transition. I envision myself being dragged through rooms before I have anytime to look more into each one. The only reason to move on is prolly someone in the tour says, "this room is boring, let's go to another one."
In general, i think our essay idea will work, after necessary refinement.
An application to MIT is much more than a set of test scores, grades and activities. It's often a reflection of an applicant's dreams and aspirations, dreams shaped by the worlds we inhabit. We'd like to know a bit more about your world. Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is the purpose of this essay to help you understand your applicant, Admission Officer? Personally, i dont think this question is well suited. Dont state the obvious
But how to perceive an introversive personality who mostly stays in his isolated space? I'd use "that" instead My suggestion is to visit that world, with me as your guide.
Honestly, the intro is sincere, but not impressive nor does it signal anything but a mundane tour ahead. Your intro needs a more energetic tour guide, I guess. The intro,in brief, could be more catchy. I like the tour guide thingy, though
We will start in my 10th year of age.
had it been 1 day of age, it'd have sounded right to me (i personally picture a growing process of a creature instead... Change it to something simpler
Once, my uncle told our family about his niece’s gold medal, gained in an International Mathematics Olympiad. Everyone praised her for how clever and diligent she had been. To people’s (our) surprise, my uncle said: “She isn’t hard-working at all; she just likes Mathematics”
Given the stresses of study in Vietnam which forced pupils to work hard, those words introduced a strikingly new philosophy, which has influenced my life since. The young ‘me’ concluded: following one’s heart is the key to EVERYTHING! Imbrued with that thought, I began listening to myself -WC, trying to see what lay innermost in my soul.
If you wonder what I could find found, walk upstairs please; part of the answer is on the next floor (inappropriate use of a semi colon here)
This is the ‘Discovery’ room, our second stop. The period on exhibition is my secondary school education, Year 6 to 9 -- sounds like age 6 to 9 to me. Why dont u use "grade" instead of "year"?
Physics was first introduced in Year 7. Immediately, I felt an augmenting interest-"felt ...an interest?" in the new subject, despite my specialization in Mathematics, which had lasted for 3 years. Physics obsessed me so much that I was, in my classmates’ view, an odd peer who always asked “what” and “why” like a 3-year-old child - void this word: why hurricanes ripped off roofs, what made airplanes function… change to real question form Later, my hobby changed from geometric problems to observing sunlight with lenses try to use parallel structure here, dont use noun and then V-ing
As you can see in this section, I am shown considering a subject in which to specialize at high school. dont understand the sentence at all Easily predicted, I chose Physics without regret dropping extra Mathematics education. I found what was desired deeply in my heart! ...what my heart deeply desires (otherwise it'd sound to me like your desires came from somewhere else)
If your curiosity hasn’t been satisfied well (void "well") with this ‘discovery’, please move on; something interesting is ahead -- (so what you've been telling us is not interesting at all?)
......
Are you bored with seeing a teenager study Physics without serious incentives? Don’t be discouraged, fun has arrived! In this ‘Ambition’ room, you will find a more interesting image. serious incentives vs. fun : oxymoron-- also, "interesting" is repeated -- try to use a different word
A year ago, I happened to read Richard Feynman’s autobiography. Thinking of his achievements, I asked myself:
-Can I possess such glory?
My ego responded:
-Certainly! I have a brain as does Feynman! (like Feynman's?)
-But...how can I challenge that great figure?!
The question remained unanswered until...
At the same time --(??), I got involved in some personal affairs and had to use my mobile phone a lot to settle them. But many of my important calls were frustrated-- your calls cant be frustrated - you are frustrated by weak network signals! How annoying! “If electromagnetic waves cannot serve me well, then another will!” I grumbled “But...wait! I can challenge Feynman with this thought! I already have ideas about some different 'informatic' medium, what’s left is only how to materialize it!”
So I planned to create a new environment for wireless transmission. how are you gonna do this? Tell us more so that we dont think its chimerical And my MIT application is a step towards that goal. Furthermore, I consider my plan as a duel with the late Feynman on who- which one will influence future living more significantly -void this. I hope to win, as Telecommunications are more popular in everyday life than Q.E.D.
This is the end of our journey. I hope my image is clearer to you. Thanks for your attention! -- have u been to any tours? Well, at least all the tour guides i have encountered didn't end the tour this way
-----------------
I like the idea of elevation --from ur age 10 -> discovery->ambition. I think your future MIT education would help u reach that goal, not your "application." (but rather, MIT acceptance)
I'd avoid the use of all the "ands, buts, futhermores...." at the beginning of the sentence. THey make it seem like the previous one is not complete.
Also, i have a feeling that you tell more than show. What of Feynman's specific achievement that turned you on? Tell us more abt why it's Feynman but not others that truly kicked your butt, otherwise, you'd not be able to fall out of a norm.
Work more on transition. I envision myself being dragged through rooms before I have anytime to look more into each one. The only reason to move on is prolly someone in the tour says, "this room is boring, let's go to another one."
In general, i think our essay idea will work, after necessary refinement.
Trần Tuấn Anh
(Ipsen)
New Member
MIT application form has a space for optional esays, and my hypothesis will be given there. So it is unnecessary to write tedious technical things in this limit-exceeding essay.
Yup, "feel an interest".
From my dictionary <hope it is a good one 8-|>, "frustrate" has two meanings:
1. a. To prevent from accomplishing a purpose or fulfilling a desire; thwart: A persistent wind frustrated my attempt to rake the lawn.
b. To cause feelings of discouragement or bafflement in.
2. To make ineffectual or invalid; nullify.
So meaningwise, it is okay. But I think to avoid misunderstanding, "interrupted" is a best substitution here.
Revised version:
Oops! I forgot to say that Feynman is famous for his curious character. So you can probably guess why I wrote "a curious brain". And that fact is very popular at MIT. So imo, it is redundant to express the obvious <though it is only within MIT community>
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
I realize that 'introversive', 'imbrue', etc. are listed in the English dictionary; they may even be suitable in the context, but it doesn't mean that they are the most effective words to use. Keep in mind that admissions officers are often not PhDs or professional editors. Using obscure words may backfire, and obstruct the reader's comprehension. Especially when you use words that have similar, more commonly used variations, chances are that the reader will just assume that you made a mistake.
I agree with My about the introduction, and find the revised one much more appealing. The tour guide idea is refreshing and will sooner or later be perfected - you should now pay more attention to the information conveyed through the essay. Step back and glean from the content the most striking personal characteristics, and ask yourself if those have been developed properly. As each paragraph describes an exhibition, you should detail each scene to appeal to the reader's graphic memory...
I think the part that needs a lot of work is your ending (ambition). Is this a fictitious scene or are you submitting with your essay a proposal to replace Feynman's electro-magnetic waves??? (if so, don't bother about the essay, really) ) I think what I am trying to say is that ambition is great, but you should have a more concrete idea of how to accomplish them
Good luck.
I agree with My about the introduction, and find the revised one much more appealing. The tour guide idea is refreshing and will sooner or later be perfected - you should now pay more attention to the information conveyed through the essay. Step back and glean from the content the most striking personal characteristics, and ask yourself if those have been developed properly. As each paragraph describes an exhibition, you should detail each scene to appeal to the reader's graphic memory...
I think the part that needs a lot of work is your ending (ambition). Is this a fictitious scene or are you submitting with your essay a proposal to replace Feynman's electro-magnetic waves??? (if so, don't bother about the essay, really
) ) I think what I am trying to say is that ambition is great, but you should have a more concrete idea of how to accomplish them Good luck.
Trần Tuấn Anh
(Ipsen)
New Member
I wrote my supplemental essay entitled "Brief description of a new way to transmit information". Sadly, I found it miles/parsecs better than this compulsory one.
Maybe it is because of my rebellious personality 8-|
Another night to make foundation for the night after that All for editing essays T_T
PS: nearly put my thanks to you all away Great gratitude to you for all
Maybe it is because of my rebellious personality 8-|
Another night to make foundation for the night after that
All for editing essays T_TPS: nearly put my thanks to you all away
Great gratitude to you for all
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
Phùng Tuấn Đức
(godz)
New Member
This is my essay about my favourite hobby Needing comments....
A Model For Life
To some people, chess is a game, a way to relax. After all, the basic moves of each chessman are so simple that one can learn them in a day. For others, chess is a sport of tactics and intellect. Despite the apparent simplicity, with thirty-two soldiers on a field of sixty-four squares, the number of possible moves is incredible. For me, chess is much more than a game, more than an intellectual exercise; it is a model for life.
The battle begins. The first lesson I learned in chess was careful planning. Haphazard movements guarantee only failure. I ponder every move, evaluating how it will help me attain my purpose, whether that means expanding my region or taking over the center. Patiently organizing my army, I await my opponent’s mistake before opening an immediate attack. Thanks to chess, I recognize the need for strategic preparation before stepping firmly and fearlessly onto the road to success.
The fight rages. Both armies expand and build up strong defenses. The two opponents analyze the field and apply all the tactics they know to assault each other. I aim to gain room for maneuvering my pieces and to dominate some positions with a panoramic view of the whole field, from which I can penetrate into my opponent’s territory. At the same time, I put up fortresses, linking my men in an unbroken web. Success in life, as in chess, requires keen analysis, maintaining both aggressive and defensive control over the situation.
One opponent opens a gambit. This most daring chess strategy requires that one or more pieces be sacrificed to execute the scheme. Giving up a chessman is psychologically difficult and puts one at an immediate disadvantage, but the astute player knows that his risk will pay off in greater advantage later in the game. Too often people simply follow their instincts, listen to their fears, and hold onto what they have instead of risking a little now to gain a lot in the future. Chess encourages its players to evaluate life more thoroughly. Winning requires acceptance of temporary setback and sacrificing smaller objects for the major object of dominating the game.
The end looms. Only a few men survive on the board. Victory is in my palm. My opponent’s King and some pawns are the last enemies wandering undefeated, while my troop is still strong. My opponent keeps setting traps to lure me into a draw game, but I have the experience to know how to avoid these pitfalls. Now caution is the key. I ignore the temporary advantage of promoting a pawn into queen or capturing more men, and instead concentrate on making every soldier, including my King, work at full power to capture his King. In the same way, my determination to succeed in life keeps me concentrating on my goals, ignoring distractions and trivial temptations.
Victory brings further reflection. Whether I win or lose, I re-examine each game to learn from what my opponent and I have done. Thinking about my success in this game, I realize how important it is to exploit all the tools available to me. Starting with only sixteen men, I am conscious that each of them has its own strengths and weaknesses. Used in the right place and time, my active pawns will possibly overcome my opponent’s blocked bishop. Life, like chess, demands the most effective use of whatever materials are at hand. As my father says, “If you know how to play chess, you’ll know what to do with your life.”
Needing comments....A Model For Life
To some people, chess is a game, a way to relax. After all, the basic moves of each chessman are so simple that one can learn them in a day. For others, chess is a sport of tactics and intellect. Despite the apparent simplicity, with thirty-two soldiers on a field of sixty-four squares, the number of possible moves is incredible. For me, chess is much more than a game, more than an intellectual exercise; it is a model for life.
The battle begins. The first lesson I learned in chess was careful planning. Haphazard movements guarantee only failure. I ponder every move, evaluating how it will help me attain my purpose, whether that means expanding my region or taking over the center. Patiently organizing my army, I await my opponent’s mistake before opening an immediate attack. Thanks to chess, I recognize the need for strategic preparation before stepping firmly and fearlessly onto the road to success.
The fight rages. Both armies expand and build up strong defenses. The two opponents analyze the field and apply all the tactics they know to assault each other. I aim to gain room for maneuvering my pieces and to dominate some positions with a panoramic view of the whole field, from which I can penetrate into my opponent’s territory. At the same time, I put up fortresses, linking my men in an unbroken web. Success in life, as in chess, requires keen analysis, maintaining both aggressive and defensive control over the situation.
One opponent opens a gambit. This most daring chess strategy requires that one or more pieces be sacrificed to execute the scheme. Giving up a chessman is psychologically difficult and puts one at an immediate disadvantage, but the astute player knows that his risk will pay off in greater advantage later in the game. Too often people simply follow their instincts, listen to their fears, and hold onto what they have instead of risking a little now to gain a lot in the future. Chess encourages its players to evaluate life more thoroughly. Winning requires acceptance of temporary setback and sacrificing smaller objects for the major object of dominating the game.
The end looms. Only a few men survive on the board. Victory is in my palm. My opponent’s King and some pawns are the last enemies wandering undefeated, while my troop is still strong. My opponent keeps setting traps to lure me into a draw game, but I have the experience to know how to avoid these pitfalls. Now caution is the key. I ignore the temporary advantage of promoting a pawn into queen or capturing more men, and instead concentrate on making every soldier, including my King, work at full power to capture his King. In the same way, my determination to succeed in life keeps me concentrating on my goals, ignoring distractions and trivial temptations.
Victory brings further reflection. Whether I win or lose, I re-examine each game to learn from what my opponent and I have done. Thinking about my success in this game, I realize how important it is to exploit all the tools available to me. Starting with only sixteen men, I am conscious that each of them has its own strengths and weaknesses. Used in the right place and time, my active pawns will possibly overcome my opponent’s blocked bishop. Life, like chess, demands the most effective use of whatever materials are at hand. As my father says, “If you know how to play chess, you’ll know what to do with your life.”
Trần Hương Giang
(Zzang Tran)
New Member
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The same question) hehe as he said the last time was some years ago huh
The same question
) hehe as he said the last time was some years ago huh
Doãn Hoàng Lan
(Hoàng Lan)
New Member
Gather all my courage to post this essay here With my 4 TWE, I don't expect this to be a master piece, just hope it is acceptable (
Please give comments, criticize, everything. Feel free to tell me if it's too bad, too long...It will be hurtful and discouraging if I have to rewrite this completely, but it is much better than receiving a collection of rejection letters, right?
Part 1: Drowned in failures 8-}
- “You? Fail? Are you sure?” whispered A. in aghast when I gloomily informed her of the Physics Competition result.
- “Yeah, sure!”-I answered, trying to sound the most carefree, “but…”-I turned to her “why is everyone so surprised? I mean, anyone can fail at an competition, right?”
- “It is just ‘cause…” she hesitated “…‘cause you have never failed at any exams, you know…”
Her words forced me to face the truth I was always trying to hide from. She was right. To everyone, my accomplishments were normal, as if I had been born to win prizes. Telling them how worried I was about the coming exams and they would waive their hands, saying: “Don’t be fussy. You are going to get it. It is I who have to worry, you know?” The more I tried to show how nervous I was, the more they would assume that I just intended to remind them of my latest accomplishments. This misunderstood I could never correct, and I had already given up trying. Eventually I learned to struggle, to worry and to overcome difficulties in silence. Accomplishment could be hard to anyone, but it was not supposed to present a trouble to me. Similarly, failures could befall anyone, but I was an exception.
The problem was, when I successfully learned to cope with this absurd assumption, I myself had unconsciously grown the same belief. Aware that Physics was not a subject for me, nor did I have much zest towards it, I still wished that some magic would eventually bring me through this intense competition. The result arrived with my hope mingling with fears - “What if I failed? Could I fail? No, I must hope for the better. I believe that I won’t fail. I can’t fail…”. But suddenly, the pinned paper seemed too white, the tropical sun too hot, and the result too clear for any magic to happen: my name was there, far below others, and no way among the winners. Finally, the FAILURE was I.
“It is ok” - I tried to rationalize - “I didn’t put enough efforts studying Physics. Failure is just reasonable.” I told myself again and again that I was strong and smart enough to handle this tough situation and that I would not let this unexpected result dent my self-confidence, but I was still so haunted with it. It was like a gorgeous ghost that reared its ugly head wherever I went and whatever I did, kept singing out loud: “You failed. Oh oh oh you FAILED.” Once an overly confident girl, I came out doubting even my ability. I wondered whether I could reach success again, whether the fabulous period of my life had come to an end. All the past successes couldn’t help my ruined self-confidence. I signed in an extra English class, just to fill the gap in my time and my mind.
My English class was another shock. People were so brilliant, having studied English years before me. In front of them, I was like a humble duck mumbling English. I flinched from the way they looked at me, half because of embarrassment, half because it reminded me so vividly of how I used to look at other less excellent students. Now being a below average student myself, I feared I could never equal those people, not to mention top them. However, I took my chance. For more than two months, I studied English rigorously. I pored over tons of grammar exercises, wrote out pages of new words, did and redid all my assignments. This time I struggled not only to satisfy my ambition but also to soothe my hurt ego. Hoping that a new success would help bring back the belief in myself, I tried, tried and tried…
And I FAILED, again. No matter how hard I studied, I still could not reach the standard of the class. “WHY?” I felt like crying to my reflection in the mirror - WHY? “At least now I know how successive failures taste!”-I said to myself, trying to force a smile but such a shallow joke couldn’t assuage my deep disappointment. I felt all my hopes had been lift out of me, all my energy vacuumed. “Life would be much easier if I simply stood back and accepted everything that happened to me” - I thought, looking again at my weary face. “But…I will NEVER give up”.
With my 4 TWE, I don't expect this to be a master piece, just hope it is acceptable ( Please give comments, criticize, everything. Feel free to tell me if it's too bad, too long...It will be hurtful and discouraging if I have to rewrite this completely, but it is much better than receiving a collection of rejection letters, right?
Part 1: Drowned in failures 8-}
- “You? Fail? Are you sure?” whispered A. in aghast when I gloomily informed her of the Physics Competition result.
- “Yeah, sure!”-I answered, trying to sound the most carefree, “but…”-I turned to her “why is everyone so surprised? I mean, anyone can fail at an competition, right?”
- “It is just ‘cause…” she hesitated “…‘cause you have never failed at any exams, you know…”
Her words forced me to face the truth I was always trying to hide from. She was right. To everyone, my accomplishments were normal, as if I had been born to win prizes. Telling them how worried I was about the coming exams and they would waive their hands, saying: “Don’t be fussy. You are going to get it. It is I who have to worry, you know?” The more I tried to show how nervous I was, the more they would assume that I just intended to remind them of my latest accomplishments. This misunderstood I could never correct, and I had already given up trying. Eventually I learned to struggle, to worry and to overcome difficulties in silence. Accomplishment could be hard to anyone, but it was not supposed to present a trouble to me. Similarly, failures could befall anyone, but I was an exception.
The problem was, when I successfully learned to cope with this absurd assumption, I myself had unconsciously grown the same belief. Aware that Physics was not a subject for me, nor did I have much zest towards it, I still wished that some magic would eventually bring me through this intense competition. The result arrived with my hope mingling with fears - “What if I failed? Could I fail? No, I must hope for the better. I believe that I won’t fail. I can’t fail…”. But suddenly, the pinned paper seemed too white, the tropical sun too hot, and the result too clear for any magic to happen: my name was there, far below others, and no way among the winners. Finally, the FAILURE was I.
“It is ok” - I tried to rationalize - “I didn’t put enough efforts studying Physics. Failure is just reasonable.” I told myself again and again that I was strong and smart enough to handle this tough situation and that I would not let this unexpected result dent my self-confidence, but I was still so haunted with it. It was like a gorgeous ghost that reared its ugly head wherever I went and whatever I did, kept singing out loud: “You failed. Oh oh oh you FAILED.” Once an overly confident girl, I came out doubting even my ability. I wondered whether I could reach success again, whether the fabulous period of my life had come to an end. All the past successes couldn’t help my ruined self-confidence. I signed in an extra English class, just to fill the gap in my time and my mind.
My English class was another shock. People were so brilliant, having studied English years before me. In front of them, I was like a humble duck mumbling English. I flinched from the way they looked at me, half because of embarrassment, half because it reminded me so vividly of how I used to look at other less excellent students. Now being a below average student myself, I feared I could never equal those people, not to mention top them. However, I took my chance. For more than two months, I studied English rigorously. I pored over tons of grammar exercises, wrote out pages of new words, did and redid all my assignments. This time I struggled not only to satisfy my ambition but also to soothe my hurt ego. Hoping that a new success would help bring back the belief in myself, I tried, tried and tried…
And I FAILED, again. No matter how hard I studied, I still could not reach the standard of the class. “WHY?” I felt like crying to my reflection in the mirror - WHY? “At least now I know how successive failures taste!”-I said to myself, trying to force a smile but such a shallow joke couldn’t assuage my deep disappointment. I felt all my hopes had been lift out of me, all my energy vacuumed. “Life would be much easier if I simply stood back and accepted everything that happened to me” - I thought, looking again at my weary face. “But…I will NEVER give up”.
Chỉnh sửa lần cuối:
Doãn Hoàng Lan
(Hoàng Lan)
New Member
Part 2: Get to the shore This seems TOO long. Hix, I really don't know which to cut off. I might be better off throwing the whole essay into the trash bin ( Anyone patient to read my essay?
“I will never give up” - Keeping this determination in mind, I struggled to find my way out of this dark pool of depression and confusion. I forced myself to look back at my past no matter hurtful and disappointing it was, trying to define the reasons for my failures. After a long period of time wrestling and fighting rigorously with my own stubborn nature, I eventually came to admit that I had mistakably studied not for knowledge and self-improvement but just for some empty feelings of accomplishment. This I would have to change, regardless how hard it was. I ragged in my heart, trying to define my true wish among numerous thoughtless ambitions. First it was so vague, then my desire came out clearer: I wanted to study abroad. Becoming aware of my goal was like having myself filled with refreshing energy and enthusiasm. Ignoring my embarrassment, I continued with my English class, knowing my mastering English would help realize my dreams It was still not easy trying to keep up when already lagging so far behind, but now things were different for I had my goal guided my way. I worked more persistently and enthusiastically. Every challenge encountered just encouraged me to work harder. Every failure met was a just chances for me to draw priceless experience.
Now, after a lot of efforts, I am inching very near to my final success line. It might sound absurd, but I am convinced that all the progress I have made since is thanks to my first failure. Born and growing up with many gifts, I am so lucky to have failure as my unexpected guest who has lent me chances to test my own values, to define my goal and to strengthen my personality. With all the salutary lessons I have received, I am confident that I am strong and grown up enough to confront all the coming adversities with refined calmness and wiseness. Failure has changed a callow, feeble and wrongly headed girl two years ago into the strong and mature I today. Thank You!
( Anyone patient to read my essay? “I will never give up” - Keeping this determination in mind, I struggled to find my way out of this dark pool of depression and confusion. I forced myself to look back at my past no matter hurtful and disappointing it was, trying to define the reasons for my failures. After a long period of time wrestling and fighting rigorously with my own stubborn nature, I eventually came to admit that I had mistakably studied not for knowledge and self-improvement but just for some empty feelings of accomplishment. This I would have to change, regardless how hard it was. I ragged in my heart, trying to define my true wish among numerous thoughtless ambitions. First it was so vague, then my desire came out clearer: I wanted to study abroad. Becoming aware of my goal was like having myself filled with refreshing energy and enthusiasm. Ignoring my embarrassment, I continued with my English class, knowing my mastering English would help realize my dreams It was still not easy trying to keep up when already lagging so far behind, but now things were different for I had my goal guided my way. I worked more persistently and enthusiastically. Every challenge encountered just encouraged me to work harder. Every failure met was a just chances for me to draw priceless experience.
Now, after a lot of efforts, I am inching very near to my final success line. It might sound absurd, but I am convinced that all the progress I have made since is thanks to my first failure. Born and growing up with many gifts, I am so lucky to have failure as my unexpected guest who has lent me chances to test my own values, to define my goal and to strengthen my personality. With all the salutary lessons I have received, I am confident that I am strong and grown up enough to confront all the coming adversities with refined calmness and wiseness. Failure has changed a callow, feeble and wrongly headed girl two years ago into the strong and mature I today. Thank You!
misundertood là noun? (cái này hỏi thiệt, vì có lần trong oxford k0 ghi "suidcide" là verb nhưng nó vẫn là verb )
Đang Physics sao lại thành Chemistry nhỉ..hay là Nhi confused?
Thật lòng nghĩ bạn nên "túm" cái essay lại with some modifications, it will be a much more concise and effective essay-though it's really good now.Anyway, u want to better it right?
)Đang Physics sao lại thành Chemistry nhỉ..hay là Nhi confused?
Thật lòng nghĩ bạn nên "túm" cái essay lại
with some modifications, it will be a much more concise and effective essay-though it's really good now.Anyway, u want to better it right?