Poem Contest Comments
“I find a good sense of humor in this poem. Just by a few simple examples of the narrator’s success as a child, the reader can realize a typical lesson given by an adult and picture the reaction of the child. This can be a father; an uncle or a brother proudly views himself as a role model for the kid. The writer is witty in choosing the tone of the poem, quite narrative yet figurative. Also, the examples of exaggeration and fabricated perfection are well chosen.
The poem, however, will flow better with less usage of the passive voice. In some sentences, the author still uses the direct translation from Vietnamese. Also, there is an excessive use of adjectives and some repetitiveness maybe due to the needs to make the lines rhyme.”
“This is a very elaborated poem. This makes a nice late night parent/child talk. I can see that the writer writes in English with much ease. I like her use of sophisticated metaphors. Sometimes, though, the technical part overshadows the content. I think the poem lacks some depth because most of the part was written about the impressive accomplishment of the parent, without much related to the child. Also, overuse of flowery words sometimes lead to inaccuracy. Terms like "crushed clothes hoard" or "rebellions disfiguring my face" are unidiomatic. Overall, though this is a relatively good one.”
“This is such a cute poem with a sing-song cheerful tone. The idea of imitating the voice of a teenager having a crush has worked out well. I especially like the last stanza and find it quite meaningful. However, other than that, there’s not much left in the poem to discuss. There are several grammatical errors which could have been avoided by proofreading.”
“A very lovely poem. Sincere and a little bit playful, it gives me the impression that I'm reading the diary of a schoolboy who first knows what "love" is. His language is very simple and straightforward. In most case, it would show a lack of sophistication, but in this particular case, it adds to his sincerity.”
“It’s a nice picture. Initially, it seems to be a quiet and peaceful one. However, in the middle of the picture there is a human being whose mind wanders a lot. That person also has all soggy emotions deep down. The painting, therefore, has two interesting layers. As a picture, it’s more half clear half indistinct, which is probably what the writer aims for. However, as a poem, this is not so original and I have the feeling the author put together separate pieces of phrases and sentences that rhyme. The writer probably didn’t plan out the beginning and the end of this poem. It’s common to let emotions direct your words but a final touch is needed to make a good poem. About grammar, there are some very basic errors.”
“This is original, creative and very touching. I like this poem a lot. Creative instead of skilled, she must have written with a lot of enthusiasm and love, and that's how the poem finds it way to its readers' heart. The poem is deep; it sketches a picture of life in the four seasons in which both people and nature are imbued with different kind of emotion, and that creates a sense of things moving and life forging ahead. At times though, there are still some mistakes in expression such as " Despite of", "a blue eye," "its leaving", "its feeling warmer".”
“It’s a cute story told in a straightforward way with genuine feelings. Small but well-chosen details help create a lively picture of a happy family. This happy poem is like a pleasant breeze, which comes and goes. If that’s what the writer wants, she/he has succeeded. If instead, she/he wants to leave a deeper impression; my suggestion is that there could be some more unique experiences in the family that tell the personalities of family members. The grammar structure is simple but there are still some errors. The writer may want to review the use of some words in this poem as well.”
“Nice details of the good memories with the family, but there are quite few expression and grammatical mistakes. The content is good but not very special. Mediocre use of English.”
“I feel the struggle of the author to clearly express his/ her emotions. Maybe (hopefully) that’s because the emotions are too deep for words. There are some old cliché as well as some awkward expressions in this poem. The writer probably didn’t invest much time in writing this poem. Besides all this, there are some good images such as the road they were walking together.”
“This poem gives me the feeling of reading the lyrics of a song written by a boy/girl band with so many clichés, not much originality. Sometimes the unnecessary use of melancholic verses like "not let me dream any more" leaves me wondering whether she is writing about friendship or love.”
“There are some very good metaphorical images in this poem. So true is the feeling that the readers can relate to it. The difference between the one who just left home and the one who has grown up in a new place is nicely described. However, at times, there is a weak connection between ideas. The author takes it easy by using old cliché in places where there could have been more creativity. There are several minor grammatical mistakes.”
“The content is good, but there are many grammatical mistakes which hampers the flows of the poem and the ease of expression.”
“The content is pretty good. The author seems to have a clear idea right from the beginning of what she/ he will write about. The structure of three stanzas is sensible. However, this is also the weakness of this poem. The author is too conscious of the content that the poem lacks surprises and creativity. The images in the poem are not so original. The grammar is good but there are some typos which should have been avoided.”
“There are many grammatical mistakes in this poem, which makes it hard for readers to really appreciate it. For example, the writer failed to use parallel structure (Cruel, fright, hopeful _ they should be either all nouns or all adjectives). Spelling errors like "unbelievable" also makes the poem a lot less appealing.”
“The author has done a good job keeping the poem brief and enjoyable. The last stanza is a nice mix of literal and imaginative images. The second stanza, however, is weakly related to the rest of the poem. Some more investment in the second stanza will strengthen the structure of the whole poem.”
“This poem is fine grammatically and idiomatically. But I had a hard time figuring what the writer is aiming at. Why did her nanny worry she might disappear into the night? Why did the memories came back not totally pleasant? (The aching feeling when she lies in the wooden bed). I feel that this could have been a good poem if the writers had provided more information about how the grown-up child is like now compared to before. Otherwise, the poem is rather vague.”
“The feelings are genuine yet hard to relate to at first. The tone is appropriate and effective. There are some minor grammatical errors but overall, the poem flows smoothly.”
“Concise yet very telling, this poem did a good job in sketching a child hood tragedy. I like the way the writer emphasizes her mom's actions and movements before she left, it is like a close-up scene, very cinematographic.”
“The author has done a good job putting philosophical ideas in a simple way that makes reading this poem pleasant. Curiosity is a very universal feeling; thus, it’s easy for readers to relate the poem to their own experiences. Short lines with parallel images have proved to be really effective in this poem. The weakness here is that the author is tempted to come to a conclusion. In other words, he/she feels the need to come up with a moral “Just step one step and it will be a right step.” Sometimes there doesn’t have to be one, especially in poetry. Once there is a conclusion, it has to base on other assumptions, which may or may not be true. A bit more focus on the “wondering” part with some examples will make the poem more interesting.”
“A philosophical poem which poses the question if there exists something greater than us all, which is more justified to judge right from wrong in this life. I have to confess that my head spinned around a little bit when reading this poem, even though I think it is a good one.”
