Funny stories (collected)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
 
What is difficult?

A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!

Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."

Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.

So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing,", know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"
 
:)) I like your story....


American and Vietnamese

An American and a Vietnamese were sitting on an airplane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Vietnamese and asked: "What kind of -ese are you?" The Vietnamese confused, replied: "Sorry, but i don't understand what you mean."

The American repeated: "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Vietnamese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, and yelled: "What kind of -ese are you? Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese..." The Vietnamese then replied: "Oh, I am a Vietnamese"

A while later, the Vietnamese turned to the American and asked: "What kind of -key are you?" The American, frustrated, yelled: "What do you mean what kind of -key am I?" The Vietnamese said: "Are you a Yankee, donkey or monkey?"
 
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
 
The story of two camels

Two camels (a mother and a baby) were lazing around,when suddenly baby camel said.

Baby: "mother, mother, can I ask you some questions?"

Mother: "sure! why son, is there something bothering you?"

Baby: "why do camel have humps?"

Mother: "well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water."

Baby: "okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded."

Mother:"Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert. You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone", said the mother proudly.

Baby: "okay," "then why are our eye lashes long? Sometimes it is bothering my sight."

Mother: "my son, those long thick eye lashes are your protective cover. They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand & wind." Said mother camel with eyes brimming with pride ;;)

Baby: "I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the legs are for walking through the desert & these eye lashes protects my eyes from the desert. Then what the hell are we doing here in a zoo???"
 
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