Hoàng Lê Vĩnh Hưng
(hungmk)
Thành viên danh dự
Chatting with God
Andy Hoang
After a long Thanksgiving Break with full of surfing, chatting and playing online, I met God on the computer. Meeting with God is not actually seeing him (“him” as a being but nothing else), talking face to face with him. In any case, I had chance to exchange information with him.
The last day of Thanksgiving was short and boring, the day after will be the day I have to go to class again. At 9 PM, I sit and talk to myself.
Me: “Yeah, classes, especially Core, would they give and any valuable lesson in life? I guess I have not found one. My college life would be heaven without all the examinations and the papers. (Laugh). I think I can live forever in this heaven.(Pause)
Speaking of heaven, is there and if there is one, how the hell will it be like?(so ironic
) Will it be a big prison with angels as guards and a god as a big dictator (yeah, the one who can never be wrong?) Yeah I think it would be like a prison, the one I can never get out of.
Ah, but in the first place, how can I get in heaven anyway? One, I have a freaking long list of unconfessed sins and by the time I die the list will be much longer. Two, if I did turn my life around and follow the light of God; fixing my messed-up self, I would be insane living all of the restrictions and rules. Yeah, I knew how it felt when I was with the Mormons. I just so wanted to kill myself to get away from all the rules. Finally, I thought, killing myself would not fix anything. I have only one chance to kill myself so why wastes it? Life is nice without the restrictions. So, enjoy whatever is enjoyable!”
Yeah, enjoy the enjoyments when they last. I have eleven hours till my class tomorrow. Why do I have to sit down and wasting my time writting Core paper? Even God have a break on Sunday (hey, the bible said so. It can not be wrong). I need to do something more meaningful, more enjoyable. Let go online and find out something cool. Maybe it will give me some ideal of how to write this creative story. What is creativity anyway? I open up the website www.dictionary.com and type “creativity.” The answer is: “Ability or power to create.” OK, so that helps! So God has alot of creativity and creative writing would be one of his skills. When I have no creativity I think I had better ask God for help with this paper.
I type down www.God.com imagining that there is one with that name. I think whoever name there site after God is a pretty darn good computer geek. First, he has a really hot domain that many people dream of having. Second, so many “faithful” Christian hackers will try to take his site down. Pressing “Enter Key”, I feel an electric current is running through my body. The screen goes blank for a few seconds (until I whacked it really hard). On the screen, a chatting window pops up. I think my computer is having some kind of problem. 8-}
I typed down: “God damn those blood sucking Californian computer sellers. This computer is nothing but a piece of shit”. Suddenly, somebody is replying to me with the chatting nickname of God.
God: “No I will not damn. There is nothing wrong with your computer just as there is nothing wrong with me being the only one and the most powerful God of all”
Me: “Are you some kind of psycho? **** off!”
God: “Stop those filthy word”
Me: “Are you my mother?”
God: “I am God”
Me: “Like I can believe that. LMAO ” (LMAO= laugh my ass off)
God: “I do not care if you believe in me or not. I am what I am”
Me: “Ok, since you are God or some insane dude. Either way, I think you have a lot of creativity”
God: “For sure, I created this universe”
Me: “Oh yeah, I need to write a new story of creation can you help me? Please!”
God: “But it will be plagiarism!”
Me: “Come on, if you are God then you would know I had many sins which are much worse than that”
God: “Do not talk to me like that. I don’t like the word if in you sentence. Do not question my existence!”
Me: “OK, God, please help me. I just need some information and I will put your name as reference in the end.” (If I really did that) Charles would so kick me out of Core class, next semester)
God: “That sounds good. I need more credit from the human race. They are my beloved creatures. I shall help you with your paper”
Me: “Oh yeah. I am so gonna have an A out of this paper with the help of God”
God: “I can only help you finish this paper but I can not guarantee to you that you will get an A. I have no control over human mind. That is why up till now, not everybody believes in me”
Me: “But a huge chunk of the human population does. According to the World Almanac 2003, I think 5 million people on earth are religious”
God: “Oh I did not know that. I think I am not up to date like you, but I am proud of that because you are my creation.”
Me: “Ok, ok. Let’s begin with questions. Please answer them shortly because I can make up the details later. OK”
God: “I am always ready to help”
Me: “Was the Big Bang real?”
God: “Yes, as real as I am. I created it”
Me: “I thought Georges Lemaitre created it. Just joking! But how?”
God: “It was one of those messes I made”
Me: “??? I don’t understand”
God: “Even If I explain it to you, you still can’t understand. You need a post PhD in Cosmology in order to understand it. There is no one in the human race at this moment that can understand it. I told a disabled guy, Hawking, a little bit about it and he thought he got it all but… Any way if you want to write about this to your instructor then he will not understand and your grade will be bad. Write something that is fun.”
Me: “Ok then, tell me some thing hilarious”
God “Sure, I gave you guys humor. Humans are the one creature in the universe who have humor. That’s why you are unique.”
Me: “Ok tell me something about the creation of man”
God: “A couple hundred years ago I told Darwin about it”
Me: “Ok, you’re funny. Tell me the real thing”
God: “I tell no lies”
Me: “What! So how can you influence on us?”
God: “I am the energy. I am the forces that drive nature. That’s how I drive the universe.”
Me: “Are you the only one?”
God: “Unfortunately I am not. And I have changed throughout my life just like anything does. I gave everything some character of my own.”
Me: “Who are the others?”
God: “AntiGod who is anti-energy. He breaks down the universe. Any time I meet him we neutralize each other’s power and my power and his turn to emptiness”
Me: “Who created you two?”
God: “We created each others, I am part of him and he is part of me”
Me: “That makes sense. So you two were one and suddenly you were ripped apart?”
God: “In some sense. But again if I explain it. It will take you all year long to get it and your paper will be turned in past the time it’s due”
Me: “Ok. How big is the universe?”
God: “What can I tell you? Pretty big. It is unlimited. It expands all the time as I and Antigod get farther away. We like that because both of ours universe grow bigger”
Me: “Is there life on another planet besides earth?”
God: “I have not thought of making another one”
Me: “I think I’ll try to inform NASA and get a Nobel prize out of this ”
God: “Go ahead, I don’t think I gave you the gift of tongue so good luck in doing that”
Me: “Can you give me the gift of tongue now?”
God: “No, you have enough gifts already. Everybody has their own gifts in life. All you need to do in your life is figuring out your gifts and use it for meaningful purposes”
Me: “Thanks for the advice. But how did you come up with the idea of making earth?”
God:“Just like I told you before. Everybody has their own gifts in life. I have the power of creation and I used it, I didn’t waste it. The purpose of creating this earth is just to test how good my power of creation is. And it was good. Everything works so far. I put power of creation in life so it can keep creating on its own.”
Me: “Really?”
God: “Yes, so that’s why I can not control the human mind or life on earth, I can only affect them with my other powers.”
Me: “How much can you affect life?”
God: “A lot, of course, because I am the most powerful, but not as powerful as I expected. I gave too much creativity in to you human. You people have a huge power of creation and it has never been stopped. Sometime it was slowed down, but it is forever improving. Maybe some day human can even have the power of creating another universe or another god ”
Me: “So what is the relation between you and the historical Jesus Christ?”
God: “Ha ha, Pretty close. I created him as a new creature similar to humans but he got killed so I had to create another one after that. I thought he had done enough and I pulled him out of the earth.”
Me: “So where is he now?”
God: “By human definition, he is dead”
Me: “ In a biological sense you are not alive either. You can not reproduce, you can not metabolize things…”
God: “Exactly. You’re learning in your Biology classes. That’s good. But your knowledge about life and me is still so small”
Me: “So teach me something new, please”
God: “Intellectual curiosity is one you the gift I give to human. I’m glad you used that gift for good. Ok, here is some knowledge for you. Things never stop changing. Jesus Christ died by human definition but his body parts became part of the earth. His intellectual experience stayed with his followers and passes on to human. His ideas and images stay in human minds. His soul came back here with me and became one source of energy again”
Me: “So what will happen to me when I died?”
God: “You’re dead. The same thing would happen to you as happened with Christ. Your body will stay on earth as part of life and transform to other living things. Your image will remain in human memory until it fades away by the process of replacement. Your soul will gather with me as energy. You and I will be one and I can absorb more power of creation and knowledge”
Me: “So the more people who die, the more powerful you are?”
God: “No, it does not depend on the quantity, it depends on quality. The more creative people they are the more powerful I am. So, that why artists normally dies young. No, just joking. If I use my power to kill people the I will exercise the power of destruction and my own power will be much weaker. That’s the reason why I never exercise the power of destruction”.
Me: “Hey, since I am listening to you and I can understand you by human definition I am the prophet right?”
God: “Surrre”
Me: “Can I prophesize?”
God: “Here is a new word for you. Do you know what Bullshitism is? It is one of the creation of human mind I, the Creator can not even prophesize anything. If everything can be prophesize then life would not be fun, would it?”
Me: “I don’t know how write creative writing essay. How should I deal with this Core paper?”
God: “Then write something true. Just because it’s true, it does not mean that it is not creative.”
Me: “Can I turn the log of this chat in as my paper? It is 100 percent truth.”
God: “It is up to you. You are given agency. If you want to do so, then do it quick. You have 10 more minutes! Good luck”
Beep..Beep..Beep…
It is ten minutes to eleven o’clock, Wednesday December 10th, 2003. I stop the alarm clock and run to Olin Hall to print out my Core paper. It’s snowing outside. “That’s great. Thanks GOD.”
Andy Hoang
After a long Thanksgiving Break with full of surfing, chatting and playing online, I met God on the computer. Meeting with God is not actually seeing him (“him” as a being but nothing else), talking face to face with him. In any case, I had chance to exchange information with him.
The last day of Thanksgiving was short and boring, the day after will be the day I have to go to class again. At 9 PM, I sit and talk to myself.
Me: “Yeah, classes, especially Core, would they give and any valuable lesson in life? I guess I have not found one. My college life would be heaven without all the examinations and the papers. (Laugh). I think I can live forever in this heaven.(Pause)
Speaking of heaven, is there and if there is one, how the hell will it be like?(so ironic
) Will it be a big prison with angels as guards and a god as a big dictator (yeah, the one who can never be wrong?) Yeah I think it would be like a prison, the one I can never get out of. Ah, but in the first place, how can I get in heaven anyway? One, I have a freaking long list of unconfessed sins and by the time I die the list will be much longer. Two, if I did turn my life around and follow the light of God; fixing my messed-up self, I would be insane living all of the restrictions and rules. Yeah, I knew how it felt when I was with the Mormons. I just so wanted to kill myself to get away from all the rules. Finally, I thought, killing myself would not fix anything. I have only one chance to kill myself so why wastes it? Life is nice without the restrictions. So, enjoy whatever is enjoyable!”
Yeah, enjoy the enjoyments when they last. I have eleven hours till my class tomorrow. Why do I have to sit down and wasting my time writting Core paper? Even God have a break on Sunday (hey, the bible said so. It can not be wrong). I need to do something more meaningful, more enjoyable. Let go online and find out something cool. Maybe it will give me some ideal of how to write this creative story. What is creativity anyway? I open up the website www.dictionary.com and type “creativity.” The answer is: “Ability or power to create.” OK, so that helps! So God has alot of creativity and creative writing would be one of his skills. When I have no creativity I think I had better ask God for help with this paper.
I type down www.God.com imagining that there is one with that name. I think whoever name there site after God is a pretty darn good computer geek. First, he has a really hot domain that many people dream of having. Second, so many “faithful” Christian hackers will try to take his site down. Pressing “Enter Key”, I feel an electric current is running through my body. The screen goes blank for a few seconds (until I whacked it really hard). On the screen, a chatting window pops up. I think my computer is having some kind of problem. 8-}
I typed down: “God damn those blood sucking Californian computer sellers. This computer is nothing but a piece of shit”. Suddenly, somebody is replying to me with the chatting nickname of God.
God: “No I will not damn. There is nothing wrong with your computer just as there is nothing wrong with me being the only one and the most powerful God of all”
Me: “Are you some kind of psycho? **** off!”
God: “Stop those filthy word”
Me: “Are you my mother?”
God: “I am God”
Me: “Like I can believe that. LMAO
” (LMAO= laugh my ass off)God: “I do not care if you believe in me or not. I am what I am”
Me: “Ok, since you are God or some insane dude. Either way, I think you have a lot of creativity”
God: “For sure, I created this universe
”Me: “Oh yeah, I need to write a new story of creation can you help me? Please!”
God: “But it will be plagiarism!”
Me: “Come on, if you are God then you would know I had many sins which are much worse than that”
God: “Do not talk to me like that. I don’t like the word if in you sentence. Do not question my existence!”
Me: “OK, God, please help me. I just need some information and I will put your name as reference in the end.” (If I really did that
) Charles would so kick me out of Core class, next semester)God: “That sounds good. I need more credit from the human race. They are my beloved creatures. I shall help you with your paper”
Me: “Oh yeah. I am so gonna have an A out of this paper with the help of God”
God: “I can only help you finish this paper but I can not guarantee to you that you will get an A. I have no control over human mind. That is why up till now, not everybody believes in me”
Me: “But a huge chunk of the human population does. According to the World Almanac 2003, I think 5 million people on earth are religious”
God: “Oh I did not know that. I think I am not up to date like you, but I am proud of that because you are my creation.”
Me: “Ok, ok. Let’s begin with questions. Please answer them shortly because I can make up the details later. OK”
God: “I am always ready to help”
Me: “Was the Big Bang real?”
God: “Yes, as real as I am. I created it”
Me: “I thought Georges Lemaitre created it. Just joking! But how?”
God: “It was one of those messes I made”
Me: “??? I don’t understand”
God: “Even If I explain it to you, you still can’t understand. You need a post PhD in Cosmology in order to understand it. There is no one in the human race at this moment that can understand it. I told a disabled guy, Hawking, a little bit about it and he thought he got it all but… Any way if you want to write about this to your instructor then he will not understand and your grade will be bad. Write something that is fun.”
Me: “Ok then, tell me some thing hilarious”
God “Sure, I gave you guys humor. Humans are the one creature in the universe who have humor. That’s why you are unique.”
Me: “Ok tell me something about the creation of man”
God: “A couple hundred years ago I told Darwin about it
”Me: “Ok, you’re funny. Tell me the real thing”
God: “I tell no lies”
Me: “What! So how can you influence on us?”
God: “I am the energy. I am the forces that drive nature. That’s how I drive the universe.”
Me: “Are you the only one?”
God: “Unfortunately I am not. And I have changed throughout my life just like anything does. I gave everything some character of my own.”
Me: “Who are the others?”
God: “AntiGod who is anti-energy. He breaks down the universe. Any time I meet him we neutralize each other’s power and my power and his turn to emptiness”
Me: “Who created you two?”
God: “We created each others, I am part of him and he is part of me”
Me: “That makes sense. So you two were one and suddenly you were ripped apart?”
God: “In some sense. But again if I explain it. It will take you all year long to get it and your paper will be turned in past the time it’s due”
Me: “Ok. How big is the universe?”
God: “What can I tell you? Pretty big. It is unlimited. It expands all the time as I and Antigod get farther away. We like that because both of ours universe grow bigger”
Me: “Is there life on another planet besides earth?”
God: “I have not thought of making another one”
Me: “I think I’ll try to inform NASA and get a Nobel prize out of this ”
God: “Go ahead, I don’t think I gave you the gift of tongue so good luck in doing that”
Me: “Can you give me the gift of tongue now?”
God: “No, you have enough gifts already. Everybody has their own gifts in life. All you need to do in your life is figuring out your gifts and use it for meaningful purposes”
Me: “Thanks for the advice. But how did you come up with the idea of making earth?”
God:“Just like I told you before. Everybody has their own gifts in life. I have the power of creation and I used it, I didn’t waste it. The purpose of creating this earth is just to test how good my power of creation is. And it was good. Everything works so far. I put power of creation in life so it can keep creating on its own.”
Me: “Really?”
God: “Yes, so that’s why I can not control the human mind or life on earth, I can only affect them with my other powers.”
Me: “How much can you affect life?”
God: “A lot, of course, because I am the most powerful, but not as powerful as I expected. I gave too much creativity in to you human. You people have a huge power of creation and it has never been stopped. Sometime it was slowed down, but it is forever improving. Maybe some day human can even have the power of creating another universe or another god ”
Me: “So what is the relation between you and the historical Jesus Christ?”
God: “Ha ha, Pretty close. I created him as a new creature similar to humans but he got killed so I had to create another one after that. I thought he had done enough and I pulled him out of the earth.”
Me: “So where is he now?”
God: “By human definition, he is dead”
Me: “
In a biological sense you are not alive either. You can not reproduce, you can not metabolize things…”God: “Exactly. You’re learning in your Biology classes. That’s good. But your knowledge about life and me is still so small”
Me: “So teach me something new, please”
God: “Intellectual curiosity is one you the gift I give to human. I’m glad you used that gift for good. Ok, here is some knowledge for you. Things never stop changing. Jesus Christ died by human definition but his body parts became part of the earth. His intellectual experience stayed with his followers and passes on to human. His ideas and images stay in human minds. His soul came back here with me and became one source of energy again”
Me: “So what will happen to me when I died?”
God: “You’re dead
. The same thing would happen to you as happened with Christ. Your body will stay on earth as part of life and transform to other living things. Your image will remain in human memory until it fades away by the process of replacement. Your soul will gather with me as energy. You and I will be one and I can absorb more power of creation and knowledge”Me: “So the more people who die, the more powerful you are?”
God: “No, it does not depend on the quantity, it depends on quality. The more creative people they are the more powerful I am. So, that why artists normally dies young. No, just joking. If I use my power to kill people the I will exercise the power of destruction and my own power will be much weaker. That’s the reason why I never exercise the power of destruction”.
Me: “Hey, since I am listening to you and I can understand you by human definition I am the prophet right?”
God: “Surrre”
Me: “Can I prophesize?”
God: “Here is a new word for you. Do you know what Bullshitism is? It is one of the creation of human mind
I, the Creator can not even prophesize anything. If everything can be prophesize then life would not be fun, would it?”Me: “I don’t know how write creative writing essay. How should I deal with this Core paper?”
God: “Then write something true. Just because it’s true, it does not mean that it is not creative.”
Me: “Can I turn the log of this chat in as my paper? It is 100 percent truth.”
God: “It is up to you. You are given agency. If you want to do so, then do it quick. You have 10 more minutes! Good luck”
Beep..Beep..Beep…
It is ten minutes to eleven o’clock, Wednesday December 10th, 2003. I stop the alarm clock and run to Olin Hall to print out my Core paper. It’s snowing outside. “That’s great. Thanks GOD.”
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