When I was your age

[Nguyễn Vân Mai (nvanmai)]

* Topic: Poem
* Title: When I was your age
* Writer's name: Cao Tú Linh
* Class and high school: 10A 04-07 Presbyterian Ladies' College-Sydney-Australia
Email : [email protected]
Telephone:
Address: Australia

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When I was your age…​

When I was your age…

My appreciative teachers frequently said

They’d never met a child who was better read.

My science results were loudly praised,

A mathematical genius was being raised.



When I was your age…

I was the personification of organization,

Never seeking blazers or ties in frustration.

My locker was clean and my books neatly stored;

No squashed assignments or crushed clothes hoard.



When I was your age…

I accepted admiration without boastful words;

Humble and modest, seen and not heard.

When corrected I was always the picture of grace,

With no surly rebellion disfiguring my face.



When I was your age…

I was fit as a sports star, healthy and strong.

I P.E assessments I stood out from the throng.

Hero of each game, winner of each race:

I was the frontrunner who set the pace.



When I was your age…

My proud parents were every day told,

‘Your child is an angel, her heart is of gold!’

This type of praise was only my due.

When I was your age, I was so unlike you!



With my universal excellence, and my humility too

(So close to perfection, so honest and true!),

I never realised I would so appreciate one day

The delicious joy of being able to say –



When I was your age…


------Linh Cao------

 

[Nguyễn Vân Mai (nvanmai)]

Comments from the Writing Board of Examiners

“I find a good sense of humor in this poem. Just by a few simple examples of the narrator’s success as a child, the reader can realize a typical lesson given by an adult and picture the reaction of the child. This can be a father; an uncle or a brother proudly views himself as a role model for the kid. The writer is witty in choosing the tone of the poem, quite narrative yet figurative. Also, the examples of exaggeration and fabricated perfection are well chosen.

The poem, however, will flow better with less usage of the passive voice. In some sentences, the author still uses the direct translation from Vietnamese. Also, there is an excessive use of adjectives and some repetitiveness maybe due to the needs to make the lines rhyme.”

“This is a very elaborated poem. This makes a nice late night parent/child talk. I can see that the writer writes in English with much ease. I like her use of sophisticated metaphors. Sometimes, though, the technical part overshadows the content. I think the poem lacks some depth because most of the part was written about the impressive accomplishment of the parent, without much related to the child. Also, overuse of flowery words sometimes lead to inaccuracy. Terms like "crushed clothes hoard" or "rebellions disfiguring my face" are unidiomatic. Overall, though this is a relatively good one.”