I write your name

[Trịnh Quốc Anh (Seri)]

I write your name on my board
And I never rub it out
So that whenever I go around
I see your name on my board

I write your name on my note
And I never cross it out
So that whenever I study around
I see your name on my note

I write your name on my face
And I never wash my face
So that whenever I look in the mirror
I see your name on my face

I write your name on my mind
And I never change my mind
So that even when I close my eyes
I see your name on my mind.

 

[Phạm Thủy Anh (anhthuy)]

This is soooo cute :x. I like it a lot. It sounds kiddy but honest. Can I suggest a little bit of change? The last verse:

I write your name on my mind
And I never change my mind
So that even when I close my eyes
I see your name on my mind.

Would it sound better if I changed it into:

So that even when I close my eyes
I feel your name deep inside

P.S. Do you consider taking the "Where Dreams begin" Writing contest? Go for it, I think it just the right opportunity for you >-

This is the link to the Contest board:

http://www.hn-ams.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=229

 

[Trịnh Quốc Anh (Seri)]

Well isn't this too kiddy for such contest ? But anyway I did join

Your modification is really nice, but I would just leave it as such. 'Cos when I made this little piece, I tried to make it as kiddy and easy-to-remember as possible. (It's like the pure love of a little boy)

Thanks for your suggestion, and especially your interest in it ;