Flash Back

[Trần Phương My (pucca0love)]

I was lying on my nanny’s bed
An old brown wooden bed
It was hard
And my back ached.

I heard the sound
From far away
So far away
Into the dark night.

The familiar smell
Of rice and fish
Mixed together.
My old nanny in her apron
Cooking
Standing near the kitchen
Watching me carefully
Like she was afraid
One day, I would vanish into
That dark cold night
Outside.

-My Tran

 

[Nguyễn Vân Mai (nvanmai)]

Comments from the Writing Board of Examiners:

“The author has done a good job keeping the poem brief and enjoyable. The last stanza is a nice mix of literal and imaginative images. The second stanza, however, is weakly related to the rest of the poem. Some more investment in the second stanza will strengthen the structure of the whole poem.”

“This poem is fine grammatically and idiomatically. But I had a hard time figuring what the writer is aiming at. Why did her nanny worry she might disappear into the night? Why did the memories came back not totally pleasant? (The aching feeling when she lies in the wooden bed). I feel that this could have been a good poem if the writers had provided more information about how the grown-up child is like now compared to before. Otherwise, the poem is rather vague.”