some rubbish feelings on Christmas day 
just sharing with you ... even it is a little bit personnal or you may find it more than little
To ..........
Another Christmas, ... is has been three Christmas since the day I left home for the very first time.
I am kind of ... a childish girl sometimes, always looking for glittering things even knowing for sure they are not gold. Always dream of a white christmas time in the arms of someone I love. ... but it seems like ... impossible.
The Christmas before you came, also the first Christmas I spent in the US, was unforgetable one. It was the first time I had an idea of how it was like to drive 3 hours from Houston to San Antonio, how to join to house without knowing anybody in it, how to make other people feel comfortable with your presence and still can make yourself happy. As a credit, I got a so-call big brother and a lovely family as friend. I didnt have a white Christmas, I didnt have lover's arms around that Christmas, but a friendly coffee cup in downtown San Antonio by the river walk on a windy night, a funny trip around the city, looking at wonderful gardens' decorations, hearing people wishing through radio and music.
But I was lonely, long for home and long for something that I was not sure of.
The Christmas I spent with you, just a year ago, but I had thought that it was yesterday, because the memories of it are still vivid in my mind. I was so happy in your arms, enjoying all the moments that we could be together in the loveliest city in this whole world, our city Hanoi. But I had a fear, fear of something that is too beautiful will be broken somehow, fear of the end of the holiday when we would have to be apart again, fear of the fire which had just being born in us would not being able to against storms. ... Even how many things I had learn and known, even it was not the first time, it still hurted me deeply when we both agreed to let each other free. It was my choice, I knew, and you knew too, that they were tears behind that smiles and laughters. What could we do? being so far away for so long in that uncertain future?
I had prayed to be back to last Christmas so many times ... uncountable!
I had made a wish that I could turn back the time to be in N city again, being under the hard summer sun and being with you.
Dont you remember?
Sometimes I just dont know why it is so hard for me to get over you? I wished I had never known you in my life?
But if it were ...
I would not know those wonderful people, your family and your cousins with whom I am still being in touch closer than ever. I would not know your close friend who has taught me many things, I would not be here in France, being able to know many other friends who have lightened my life up when it were down... and above all, I would not know what is love and how great it is!
This Christmas, without you, siting here in a lab, talking to friends through the computer, I dont feel lonely anymore. I dont feel the need of having a white Christmas, the need of your arms or any lover's arms. I am learning to standing free and standing stable, being more self - confident
However, I know one thing, one little thing, that you and the memories about you will be with me... maybe forever, but I will not let them make me sad, or hurt me more ........ let the memories sleep in the secret place in the heart.
I make a wish ...
wish that you, in a very far place, and other people, have a wonderful time
just sharing with you ... even it is a little bit personnal or you may find it more than little To ..........
Another Christmas, ... is has been three Christmas since the day I left home for the very first time.
I am kind of ... a childish girl sometimes, always looking for glittering things even knowing for sure they are not gold. Always dream of a white christmas time in the arms of someone I love. ... but it seems like ... impossible.
The Christmas before you came, also the first Christmas I spent in the US, was unforgetable one. It was the first time I had an idea of how it was like to drive 3 hours from Houston to San Antonio, how to join to house without knowing anybody in it, how to make other people feel comfortable with your presence and still can make yourself happy. As a credit, I got a so-call big brother and a lovely family as friend. I didnt have a white Christmas, I didnt have lover's arms around that Christmas, but a friendly coffee cup in downtown San Antonio by the river walk on a windy night, a funny trip around the city, looking at wonderful gardens' decorations, hearing people wishing through radio and music.
But I was lonely, long for home and long for something that I was not sure of.
The Christmas I spent with you, just a year ago, but I had thought that it was yesterday, because the memories of it are still vivid in my mind. I was so happy in your arms, enjoying all the moments that we could be together in the loveliest city in this whole world, our city Hanoi. But I had a fear, fear of something that is too beautiful will be broken somehow, fear of the end of the holiday when we would have to be apart again, fear of the fire which had just being born in us would not being able to against storms. ... Even how many things I had learn and known, even it was not the first time, it still hurted me deeply when we both agreed to let each other free. It was my choice, I knew, and you knew too, that they were tears behind that smiles and laughters. What could we do? being so far away for so long in that uncertain future?
I had prayed to be back to last Christmas so many times ... uncountable!
I had made a wish that I could turn back the time to be in N city again, being under the hard summer sun and being with you.
Dont you remember?
Sometimes I just dont know why it is so hard for me to get over you? I wished I had never known you in my life?
But if it were ...
I would not know those wonderful people, your family and your cousins with whom I am still being in touch closer than ever. I would not know your close friend who has taught me many things, I would not be here in France, being able to know many other friends who have lightened my life up when it were down... and above all, I would not know what is love and how great it is!
This Christmas, without you, siting here in a lab, talking to friends through the computer, I dont feel lonely anymore. I dont feel the need of having a white Christmas, the need of your arms or any lover's arms. I am learning to standing free and standing stable, being more self - confident
However, I know one thing, one little thing, that you and the memories about you will be with me... maybe forever, but I will not let them make me sad, or hurt me more ........ let the memories sleep in the secret place in the heart.
I make a wish ...
wish that you, in a very far place, and other people, have a wonderful time
