A Non-Serious Critic

[Nguyễn Hữu Toàn (hyper2002)]

A NON-SERIOUS CRITIC
A dedication to, and a miserable imitation of Oscar Wilde

---Toan Nguyen---​

Characters: Theros and Arnold (friends), Leila (Theros’s sister)
Scene: The tea room in Theros’s house at Burlington Square

THEROS. I see that you have been smiling the whole evening. Pray tell, what amuses you so much?

ARNOLD. I’m glad that you noticed. I just had a fascinating talk with the Duchess of Ottawein this morning. She was curiously charming.

THEROS. Ah, is that so? But then you are easily amused with any woman. It is quite vulgar of you!

ARNOLD. I can’t help it, in fact, no man can. The only thing to do with a woman is to flirt with her if she’s pretty, and with another, if she’s plain*. Yet this time was different. We talked about Beauty and Art. Indeed, she insisted upon the subject. It is scandalous how knowledgeable women are nowadays.

THEROS. I used to think ignorance was their forte, or at least, that is what we men love in them. But pray tell, what angle of those two things that she brought forth, I’m quite eager to hear. The two objects seem to me to clash harshly in modern culture.

ARNOLD. You are absolutely right. Modern Art often disregard classic Beauty, and modern Beauty more than half of the times is not Art. But let us go back to the Duchess of Ottawein, she asked me if there exists a definite conception of Beauty, both in Life and Art.

THEROS. As far as I am concerned, the public view of Beauty in Art is often fallible, and Beauty in Life always judgmental. At any rate, it seems that modern appreciation for Art is build upon misconception, which is bad, and sometimes pretense, which is worse...I’m truly sorry! Pray go on, it was vile of me to interrupt.

ARNOLD. Worry not, dear friend, impatient interruptions are never vile, as long as they push forth the discussion. As I was saying, the Duchess of Ottawein was eager to hear my opinion. Indeed, she was curious in her questions, and I was indiscreet in my answers. I told her that definite Beauty do exist, both in Life and Art. For how can we deny such great contributions from the ever-remembered artists of past ages. From Da Vinci, Raphael to Van Gogh, Rodin, Renoir and Cezanne, their works reflect so refined a mode of thought, and so illustrative a sense of age. No, dear Theros, stay with me! Your mind is readily rebellious, rebellious thinking is much harder to suppress than rebellious violence, and thus is much more vulgar. Let us talk about the curious sensation and the indiscreet passions that are wildly presented in Van Gogh’s masterpieces. Here and there, our eyes are filled with elegant, curvy, spiritually colorful turbulence - les touches magiques, so the critic called - the air, the perception of age seems so condensed, yet not giving the impression of being covert, imprisoned. I have never seen so vivid a vision, so mysterious a passion and yet so firm a determination in Art. Yes, dear Theros, as you have noticed, I’m merely talking about Van Gogh, the man himself is a great statue of Insolence: he did not hand Art over to the public, but artistically, in his own masterful way, brought it closer to true Art. Forever will the world remember that man of rough figure, who trotted around the streets of Paris in a petulant, hallucinated and sleepless manner, and who lived an excluded life at 54 Rue Lepic. Nor will the world forget how its image were being constructed in a whole new light: Life was made less vulgar and vile: that lonely soul in “The backyard in Antwerpen”, where the air is damp and the sky unforgiving, where the rustic metal gate and silent windows validate a lifeless space; or “The café terrace” being shined brilliantly under the gracious silver-face moon, magnificently illuminated both the colorful windows and the patchy streets of Arles; or “The starry sky” - its visual power so vast that words will only mar its greatness. True, he might have been called a fou roux in temperament, but his works portray golden genius in grace. I know I have spoken mostly of Van Gogh, but let us stop at this. Art critic is not my forte, what more, it is unjust enough to use it on one artist. The point being, dear Theros, is that Art itself exists independently and distinguishably from Perception, and that Art, with its Beauty, possess a definiteness as a concept, and indefiniteness, as a vision.

THEROS . You have spoken very well, but there is not everything in what you said. Beside, eloquence should be left solely at churches, where people often say the most incredible things, and always commit the most improper acts. But I believe you, I suppose the Duchess of Ottawein did, too. Women are incredibly defenseless against eloquence, that’s the reason why men often propose for practice. But what’s about Beauty in Life, you have not ventured on that.

ARNOLD .Ah, Beauty in Life is simply pleasure. A great man once said, “What is realized is true”*, certainly alluding to the fascination of secular pleasures, which, more often than not, are enviously deemed biblical sins. For an instance, I know not whether marriages are created by God, but surely divorces are made in heaven. Oh hush now, Theros! I know you will challenge that. Marriages, like war, is fascinating to those who have not been through it. Let me tell you, men get in marriage out of exhaustion, women, out of curiosity*. Both are disappointed. But let us not be solemn, I am quite tired of serious discussion, for the only things they produce invariably is morality. God know, one should only be moral in one’s sleep. By heaven, that is exactly what sleeps are for, and precisely why interesting people hardly sleep.

THEROS .You talked like you never slept at all, dear Arnold. Yet, how can you define Beauty in a person, the most basic unit of Life itself.

ARNOLD .The measures of such Beauty have been done once and for all by Da Vinci, I believe there is much virtue in the maestro’s works, any further discussions on the subject will be futile.

THEROS .Did you tell the Duchess about Da Vinci and all this?

ARNOLD .Of course not! Where’s your manner, Theros. It is absolutely vulgar to say anything truthful or serious in the presence of a pretty lady. I’m never honest when amongst single women, and never sincere amongst married ones. They call it being gallant.

THEROS .It is quite dreadful of you to say that!

ARNOLD .I assure you, it is dreadful not to be dreadful nowadays. Your tea today, for an instance, seem to have picked up the temperament.

(Enter Leila, Theros’s sister)
LEILA .Ah, brother, thank God I found you! (Glancing over to Arnold.) Mister Grimstone, what a surprise, though not a pleasant one it is!

ARNOLD .Miss Danfield, (picking up a stern face) I sure hope you will change your mind. I think all surprises are pleasant. At any rates, the upper class is often poor enough not to have it.

LEILA .Are you serious, Mister Grimstone?

ARNOLD .Absolutely not!

LEILA .Then I believe you. (Turning to his brother.) Dear brother, I hope you have not wasted our tea on Mister Grimstone this evening.

THEROS .Fortunately not, I have managed to merely waste myself!

ARNOLD .Dear Leila, your tea is truly awful!. I can only wish I have plenty of those at my house.

LEILA .Is awful tea a new sensation for you, Mister Grimstone?

ARNOLD . Ah, I never drink tea at home, I preserve it for my guests, who consist mostly of debtors and relatives.

THEROS .Arnold, you have not lived beyond your means, not again this month, I hope?

ARNOLD .Dear friend, I always fear that I have not lived beyond my mind.

LEILA .(Turning to Arnold.) I heard that you proposed to the Duchess of Ottawein this morning, over a talk of Beauty and Art.

ARNOLD .Ah, news travel fast these days!

LEILA .Bad news often do. But is that true, Mister Grimstone?

ARNOLD .It is very factual, Miss Danfield, that is all I can say about it.

THEROS .What’s the difference?

ARNOLD .What’s the difference? Dear Theros, society often degrade truths into facts, when a truth is degraded into fact, it loses all of its intellectual beauty*.

LEILA .You are very flippant, Mister Grimstone. So you did propose to her. How horrible! I do not reckon that you ever proposed to me. I sure hope you don’t find me too plain?

THEROS .Please excuse me! (Now retreating through the door to Drawing room.)

ARNOLD .No, of course not, Leila! I never think you plain. I hardly find any girl plain, for that matter.

LEILA .You are the most disagreeable person I’ve ever agreed with.

ARNOLD .Your brother often told me I’m the most unreasonable man he ever reasoned with.

LEILA .(Walking to the nearby salon, and sitting down.) Pray tell, what did you and my brother talk about just now?

ARNOLD .Simply what I often talked about: uncivilized things, of course.

LEILA .Pray accommodate my wit!

ARNOLD .Beauty and Art!

LEILA .Why do you deem them uncivilized?

ARNOLD .Why, dear Leila, they are the sort of things civilized people cannot talk about. Where the upper class feel most civilized, I fear that they are simply uneducated.

LEILA .That is indeed a laughably interesting theory. But let us have dinner first, I hope you will stay, we can discuss this while dining.

(End of Part 1)

*: Oscar Wilde's quotes.